


BTS (Behind the Scenes, Between the Sheets)

by grumblesandmumbles



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Gallavich Week, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mickey Uses His Words, Oral Sex, Sexual Content, Shameless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:57:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2599577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumblesandmumbles/pseuds/grumblesandmumbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey learns to deal with being out as a couple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Rosary Made For Giants

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place around the time of Season 5. Not in line with current speculation or spoilers. Ian is currently in treatment for his bipolar disorder and doing well.

Six months.

That's how long it has been since the night Mickey came out in grand form at The Alibi. It's been nice not feeling like he had to look over his shoulder all the damn time. It's been nice to have a _boyfriend_. But that's not to say that he hasn't struggled with being out and open either. He's used to living a life of secrecy, and not just because of his sexuality. He's not used to people knowing much about him other than he's a Milkovich, someone whose dealings are usually done under the table, someone to be feared and respected. He's not used to anyone other than Ian taking any interest in him as a person. So now, having the Gallaghers and Kev and V paying all this new attention to him, he doesn't really know how to deal with it.

He doesn't dislike any of them, not exactly. Well, that's not entirely true. He can't fucking stand Lip, that smug prick. But other than that, he's been learning to handle them. He genuinely likes Kev, once they worked the kinks out of their business relationship, they found they were able to strike up an easy rapport with each other. He also has genuine affection for Debbie and Carl. V, Fiona and Liam are just kind of there. He doesn't think much about them one way or the other. But he will put up with anyone he has to for Ian's benefit. It's just that their all so _involved_. Whenever they are at the Gallagher house, it's a never-ending stream of talking, of people, of questions, of noise. Mickey is used to a life where everyone retreats to their own corners, where togetherness is the exception and not the rule. But he tries. He doesn't jump into the activities or conversations, but he's learning to at least participate when it's directed at him. 

Mickey and Ian are at the Gallaghers for Friday movie night. They're all arguing over a pile of bootleg DVD's that Carl got from a guy who sells them down by the Kash and Grab. They finally narrow it down to a few choices and Debbie says "Why don't we let Mickey pick for once? Mickey, which one do you want? We have X-Men, The Avengers... If you want something more old school, we also have Double Impact. Van Damme." Mickey and Ian start hysterical laughing. The Gallaghers just look at them. Ian finally catches his breath and says "Mickey's more of a Steven Seagal fan." They look at each other and start laughing all over again, clinging to each other to keep from falling over. Ian actually snorts and says "You got a rosary fit for a giant." And at that, Mickey doubles over, laughing and panting with his hands on his knees. Mickey looks at Ian and says "That's some Van double DAMME!" and Ian is now on the floor, clutching his stomach. 

They've adjusted to Mickey over time, but this is all new. It's quite endearing, actually. Fiona emerges from upstairs, where she was putting Liam to bed, and finds the boys in their laughing fit being watched by the rest of the gang. "What's going on down here?" she asks with a smile. Debbie and Carl shrug and Debbie says "Not really sure. Asked Mickey if he wanted to watch Double Impact and this ensued. Something about Steven Seagal and rosary beads." Fiona looks at the boys, who have finally caught their breaths and gotten back to their feet. "Rosary beads?" Ian smirks and says "Well, it's a funny story actually." Mickey looks horrified "NO, NO, NO. IAN GALLAGHER DON'T YOU FUCKIN' DARE!" Ian looks at Mickey and says "C'mon, it's FUNNY!" Mickey glares at him and says "I swear, Gallagher, I will kill you." The Gallaghers try to get it out of Ian, but he knows if he spills the beans Mickey really might come after him, so he finally says "Nevermind guys, you had to be there. Let's watch the movie." They finally relent and all move into the living room. After that, Mickey is quiet the rest of the night.

When they're walking home to the Milkovich house, Ian looks at Mickey and says "Everything okay?" Mickey shrugs and replies "Sure, fine." Ian looks at him suspiciously. "You sure, Mick? You've been pretty quiet most of the night." Mickey sighs and says "Well if I'm honest, yea I kinda got annoyed earlier with that whole tellin' the story about the rosary beads thing. I like to keep some stuff private ya know. I don't tell everyone everything." Ian smirks and says "Well first of all, I wasn't actually going to tell them anything, I was fucking with you. Second, you kind of let the cat out of the bag about your sex life when you screamed out to the entire street in front of The Alibi that you liked to take it in the ass from me and suck my dick. Sooooo I don't know what you think is such a secret anymore, I mean really." Mickey scowls but he knows Ian has a point. "You're right, I get it. I guess I'm still trying to get used to being so open and out there. Doesn't mean I want everyone to know everything. My ben-wa beads are no one's business." Ian laughs and says "Exactly why I wasn't actually going to say anything. Give me some credit next time." Mickey smiles and replies "Fine, deal."

They get home, take a shower together and get into bed. Mickey slips his hand under the blanket and starts touching Ian. "Gallagher, if we're going to have people hearing about our business, might as well give them something to hear." He winks at Ian and slips under the covers to help him make some noise.


	2. Liking What I Like Don't Make Me A Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go out to celebrate Mickey's birthday and shenanigans ensue.

It's Mickey's birthday and Ian's body is thrumming with excitement. Mickey doesn't know it yet, but Ian is planning a surprise party for him. He takes Mickey out for dinner at his favorite Mexican place downtown, and on the way home suggests that they stop at The Alibi for a drink. Mickey is agreeable, figuring he could get a few cheap drinks and check on business at the same time. Win-Win.

When Mickey walks in, all he hears is a huge shout of "SURPRISE!" He stumbles back against Ian, confused, shocked and more than a bit embarrassed at the attention. He quickly scans the room and see that anyone and everyone he could think of is there. The Gallaghers of course, Mandy and Iggy, Kev and Vee, the girls from upstairs, Svetlana. And of course the usual bar crowd. He tries to smile but it comes out as half grimace. He mumbles under his breath "I'm going to get you for this one, Red. Just you wait and see." Ian rolls his eyes and prods Mickey forward to go greet everyone. The notoriously cheap crowd has joined forces tonight to get Mickey shitfaced, and it's worked. By the time they leave, Mickey is stumbling everywhere but in a hell of a great mood. They had already planned to spend the night at the Gallagher house, and Ian knows it's going to be a long walk. At first, he just tries to drag Mickey along but it's really taking forever. Finally, he says "That's it, Mick. Get on my back, I'm carrying you home." Mickey tries to wave him off, and in doing so, throws his balance even more out of whack. He lists dangerously to the right, and Ian tries to catch him in time but he doesn't make it. Mickey grabs his hand just as he's going down to the floor and winds up pulling Ian with him. Mickey is hysterical, but Ian isn't really finding the humor. He hauls Mickey to his feet and says firmly "That's it. Piggyback, NOW." This throws Mickey into a laughing fit, and he laughs harder when Ian crouches down in front of him, hands out, waiting for Mickey to climb on. "Dammit, Mick. Let's GO." Mickey finally leans over Ian, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's neck and placing one leg around his lanky waist. Ian starts to stand and waits until Mick jumps up so he can catch the other leg. 

Ian continues plodding towards the house, and they are thankfully almost back when Mickey suddenly releases one arm, whipping it around and yelling. "RIDE EM COWBOY! YEEEEEEE HAAAAAAH!" Ian hisses at Mickey. "Will you shut the fuck up? It's like 5 in the morning, people are sleeping!" They arrive at the Gallagher backyard, having taken a shortcut through the alley that runs behind the house. Ian unceremoniously drops Mickey now that they've arrived, and moves towards the house. Mickey follows him and tries to implore him to stop being mad. "Iannnnnn come on, don't be mad. I'm sorry." Even in his state, he manages to catch up to Ian and grabs his hand. He gently tugs on it to get Ian to turn and look at him. "C'mon, it's my birthdayyyyy." Ian's resolve is cracking, and he sees the corner of Ian's mouth twitch ever so subtly. He stands up on his tiptoes and kisses Ian gently. Ian returns the kiss and says "Y'know, I never did give you your birthday present." 

They start kissing again, more passionately, Ian pulling Mickey towards the stairs that lead up to the back door. But then he hears mumbling in the house and realizes they're not the only ones still awake. Mickey is rubbing Ian's cock through his jeans, and Ian makes an impulse decision. He puts his hand on Mickey's chest and gently pushes him back against the back of the house, grabbing his hands with his own and pinning them against the wall as he kisses him. Ian grinds his crotch against Mickey's, the friction quickly arousing the birthday boy. He lets go of one of Mickey's hands and starts fumbling to unbutton and unzip his jeans. When he finally gets it done, he lets go of the other hand and pulls Mickey's pants and boxers down. Mickey is so drunk and horny, he doesn't even care that they're in plain sight in the yard, or that the sun is already beginning to make it's ascent into the sky, enveloping the yard in a warm glow. He does, however, care that the glow is lighting off of Ian's hair like fire. He tangles his hands in that hair as Ian grabs his cock and starts to jerk him off. Slow at first, and then building more intensity as he twists his hand back and forth while he strokes. Mickey moans and leans his head back against the house, eyes closed and face turned up to the sky. Ian gets on his knees and takes Mickey in his mouth. He starts off slow, bobbing his head up and down almost lazily, to really get Mickey riled up. Mickey grabs a fistful of Ian's hair and tugs it as he lets out a guttural moan from deep in his throat. "Oh fuck, faster Ian, fuck!" he mumbles. Ian steadies himself by grabbing Mickey's thigh with one hand while he massages his balls with the other, moving faster and turning his head back and forth as he moves his mouth over Mickey's dick. It doesn't take long before he feels Mickey's knees weakening and he knows he's about to come. He feels one last twitch and then tastes Mickey in his mouth. The birthday boy is moaning openly as he collapses against the wall, sliding down a bit as his knees buckle under him. 

Ian wipes at his mouth and is about to lean up to kiss Mickey when he sees Mickey looking behind him, amused. Mickey throws a wave and yells "Mornin' Mrs. Babiak! Ian would say good morning as well but he's... indisposed at the moment." Mickey cackles as he hikes up his boxers and pants in one swift move. Ian is horrified as he gets up and runs up the back stairs into the house. As he goes in the door, he steals a peek and sees poor Mrs. Babiak standing in her yard, a stunned look on her face holding a garbage bag in her hands. He bursts through the back door and finds Fiona and Vee sitting at the table having some coffee. They jump at his sudden entrance and when she sees the look on Ian's face, she says "What the hell is going on?" Mickey saunters in a second later and says "Oh, nothing. Just celebrating my birthday outside and ran into Mrs. Babiak." He smirks and Fiona says "You know what, I don't even want to know what you were doing out there. Bad enough that woman catches Carl peeing off the second floor porch at least once a week. You guys are going to drive her into heart failure!" Mickey, still riding the high of his drunken night and his birthday present replies "What, a guy can't get a birthday beej from his boyfriend? Fuck that." Fiona and Vee can't even help themselves from bursting into laughter at this sudden candor and bravado from Mickey.

Ian, totally mortified now, says "Oh, you can announce THAT to my SISTER, but we can't talk about the rosary?" Mickey just shrugs and says "Whatever, talk about it, I don't care. Liking what I like don't make me a bitch." Ian looks at him challengingly. "Oh, so you want me to discuss that you own the most ridiculous set of ben-wa beads I've ever seen, that you liked shoved up your ass?" He expects Mickey to flip, but oddly, Mickey just smirks, swipes at his lip with his thumb and shrugs. "Hey, they feel good. You didn't seem to mind when we tried them on you that time." Fiona and Vee are just watching this back and forth, heads turning to look at each boy as they try to one up each other. Vee chimes in. "Well, shit. I've got all kinds of ideas for Christmas presents for you two now." Ian runs his hands through his hair. "It's too early for this... Or too late for this. I don't even know anymore. I'm going to bed." He just needs to extract himself from this conversation right now before he can never look any of them in the face again. Mickey smiles at the girls and says "Night ladies! Thanks for a great birthday party!" and cheerfully follows Ian up the stairs to Frank's old room to crash.

Fiona just looks at Vee and says "I will never recover from these revelations."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First attempt to throw a little smut into the mix. Hope it worked out well!
> 
> Kudos/comments always appreciated <3 Find me on Tumblr:
> 
> [](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com>Grumbles%20and%20Mumbles%20</a>)


	3. You Can't Have It Both Ways

The afternoon after Mickey's party, Lip is in the Gallagher kitchen nursing a wicked hangover with some leftovers and aspirin. Figuring a little hair of the dog may help, he goes to the fridge and grabs a beer. He hears some grumbling from upstairs and doesn't think much of it until he hears a door slam. There's stomping down the stairs and Mickey appears. He barely throws Lip a glance before he's out the back door. Lip waits to see if Ian is going to come after him, and after a minute or two of silence, decides to find out what's going on.

He goes upstairs with his beer and enters the boys bedroom. Ian is lying there on his bed, clearly annoyed. Lip goes in a drawer and grabs a joint and lights it. He always saved these moments for when he knows he and Ian need to have a talk. He takes a hit and hands it to Ian, who does the same. "So I saw Mickey storm off, everything okay?" Ian frowns at him. "Not like you should be concerned, you hate Mickey anyway. I'd think you'd be happy he left." Lip smiles and replies "While he's not one of my favorite people, he's one of yours and you're one of mine. And I've certainly listened to you talk about him plenty over the years, so can we skip the pretense and you just tell me what's going on?"

Ian sighs and sits up, telling Lip about how Mickey embarrassed him in front of Fiona and Vee when they came home last night. Lip listens intently but doesn't say anything until Ian is finished. "Well, I never thought I'd agree with that kid on anything, but I don't think you should be mad at him for this." Ian is stewing now, clearly having hoped Lip would agree with him if for no other reason than his dislike for Mickey. "Are you kidding? I should be thrilled that he told our sister that I gave him a blow job outside?!" Lip takes a sip of his beer and says "Listen I get that it's embarrassing, I'd be embarrassed too dude. But you can't have it both ways. You can't push and push him to be open for literally years and then get mad when he actually does it. Besides, he was wasted last night when I left The Alibi and that was awhile before you guys left, so I'm sure he was even worse by the time this all went down... No pun intended. He wouldn't have blurted that out sober and you know it. Give him a pass on this one."

Ian is still annoyed but he also feels the first pangs of guilt creeping their way through his anger. He hates to admit it, but he knows Lip has a point. He sighs and says "Shit." Lip looks at him pointedly and replies "Go make nice with him. This isn't a fight that's worth the energy. I'm sure he will do something worse before too long, he's a Milkovich after all." Ian finally smirks and says "Now there's the animosity I'm used to." He finally gets up and grabs some clothes, figuring he should go and make this right sooner rather than later.

A short time after that, Ian is at the Milkovich house. He knocks on the door but there's no answer. He decides to try the knob and the door swings open. No one is in the living room, and Mickey and Mandy's rooms are both empty as well. As he moved through the house he hears the shower running and sees Mickey's clothes on the bathroom floor. "Mick?" He calls out and Mickey yells "Fuck off" in response. Ian debates for a minute before he strips his clothes off and drops them on the floor with Mickey's. He pushes the curtain back and climbs in the shower behind Mickey.

"I told you to fuck off," he growls at Ian. Ian ignores his remark and grabs the soap, lathering it in his hands and rubbing Mickey's back. "I'm sorry, Mick." He pulls away from Ian's touch and says "I don't want to hear it right now." Ian continues to rub his back and whispers in his ear, "I'm really sorry. I don't want to fight with you, I blew that whole thing out of proportion. C'mon Mick, talk to me? Please?" He finally turns around but he doesn't look Ian in the eye. He stares down instead, quiet. Ian grabs the shampoo and washes Mickey's hair. Even as mad as he is, Mickey can't help but think of how intimate the gesture is. Ian takes Mickey's face gently into his hands and tilts his head back to rinse out the shampoo, running his hands over Mickey's wet hair. Then he bends his head down and kisses Mickey softly. As mad as Mickey is, he doesn't pull away.

Ian reaches behind him and turns off the shower. Then he pushes back the shower curtain and grabs a towel off the rack, starting to dry Mickey off. Mickey takes the towel and leaves the bathroom, wrapping it around his waist as he goes towards his bedroom. Ian grabs another towel and follows suit. When he's in the room, Mickey casts aside the towel and climbs into bed, facing the window. Ian hesitates, knowing Mickey is still upset with him. He waits, shifting his weight back and forth from one foot to the other. Finally, Mickey rolls over, lifts the blanket and says "You getting in here or what?" Ian drops his own towel down and climbs in behind Mickey, pressing his bare chest to Mickey's equally bare back. "Mick, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up like that." He's whispering in Mickey's ear, lips pressed close and wrapping his arm around Mickey's waist.

Mickey sighs but otherwise stays silent for a few minutes. Ian had given up on the notion that Mickey is even going to discuss this with him right now when he finally replies. "I don't know what you want from me, Red. I was drunk, I just blurted it out without thinking. You certainly do plenty of that and that's alright somehow. If I don't say or do things, you provoke me. If I do, you get pissed. Which is it? I'm not a mind reader. for fucks sake." Ian hugs him tighter and says "I just want you. As you are, but sometimes trying to be more open... Although maybe not so open that you tell my siblings when I blow you out in the backyard, that's all. But I'm sorry I gave you such shit about it, I know you were drunk and I know I'm always pushing you for more. I know you've been trying. And I'll try not to push so much." Mickey shimmies out from under Ian's arm and sits up facing him. "I have been trying. It's not so easy for me but I think I've come a long way. Shit, I came out to a bar full of drunks and my asshole, homophobic father for YOU. If that doesn't tell you that I am willing to try for you, to be more open for you, I don't know what will."

Ian feels a bit frantic now but he tries to keep it under control. "Mick, it does! I know and I'm sorry! Can we please not make this a huge fight? I'm trying to apologize, not ask you to defend yourself." Mickey digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Ian, I am hung over and exhausted, and I don't want to argue anymore either. Can we just go back to bed for awhile and then hit the reset button?" Ian nods and opens his arms. Mickey lays back down with Ian and they drift into an uneasy sleep.


	4. You Called Me Your Boyfriend

Ian hasn't been feeling like himself for about a week now. It's not as dramatic as when his bipolar first started, but it's there. He's been more lethargic, and definitely sleeping much more. Thankfully, he hasn't taken to the bed for days at a time yet, but he knows something is off. Mickey knows it too. And this time, Mickey also knows enough to know that he's not going to just wait it out and hope for the best. He learned that lesson the hard way, but the point is he learned it.

Ian wakes up because he hears Mickey yelling from outside their bedroom. When he can't hear the other end of the conversation, he realizes Mickey is on the phone. He's about to go out and find out what's going on when he realizes that the conversation is about him, so he lays there and just listens.

"HIS DOCTOR TOLD US THAT WHEN THERE'S ANY NOTICEABLE CHANGE, WE SHOULD COME IN RIGHT AWAY AND YOU'RE FUCKIN' TELLING ME THAT YOU CAN'T GET HIM AN APPOINTMENT FOR AT LEAST A WEEK? NO, NO. YOU FIND ME SOMETHING RIGHT NOW. MY BOYFRIEND IS BIPOLAR, I'M NOT WAITING A WEEK TO LET HIM BURROW DOWN LIKE A BEDBUG AND NOT LEAVE THE ROOM. I DON'T CARE, FIND ME ANY OPENING. ANYWHERE YOU CAN SQUEEZE HIM IN, I'LL BRING HIM DOWN THERE... YES I'LL HOLD."

Ian stopped listening. _Boyfriend, boyfriend... He called me his boyfriend... Holy shit he finally did it_. He hears Mickey talking again, but quietly this time, he can't really make out the words. Then footsteps approach and the door springs open. As he enters and speaks, he moves to the dresser and starts pulling out clothes for Ian to change into. "Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty. We're going to the clinic, doc was able to squeeze you in. Let's go, up and at 'em." Ian sits up and looks at him. "You called me your boyfriend." Mickey glances over at him. "Huh?" Ian replies "On the phone. You called me your boyfriend." Mickey shrugs and says "Well, what am I supposed to call you? Prince Harry?" Ian smiles and says "You've never actually called me that before." Mickey comes to the bed and runs his fingers through Ian's hair. "Well, there's a first time for everything. Now, get your ass up and get in the shower. Go time." Ian gets up and obliges.

They're sitting in the waiting room at the clinic. Ian is fidgeting with his hands, wringing them, cracking his knuckles compulsively, picking at his cuticles, drumming his fingers on his knees restlessly. Mickey watches, but doesn't say anything at first. Finally, he looks at Ian and says "You okay there?" Ian shrugs and replies "Just a bit nervous. Been awhile since that first episode, I hope it's not going that direction again." Mickey takes one of his hands, holds it to stop him from fussing so much. "It'll be okay, Ian. This isn't like last time where we didn't know what was happening at first. Now we do, that's why we're here. They'll get it straightened out." He weaves their fingers together and takes Ian's hand into his lap, stroking it with his thumb. When the nurse finally calls Ian's name, Mickey stands up and goes back with Ian to see the doctor. After some discussion, the doctor makes some adjustments to the doses and writes Ian new prescriptions, and they're free to go.

Mickey never lets go of Ian's hand.


	5. The Things We Say When We Think No One Hears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey being overheard expressing his feelings about Ian. Also doing sweet things without thinking about it.

Fiona woke up on the couch instead of in her room. At first, she couldn't figure out how she got there, but then she remembered coming home from working a double at the diner the night before, sitting down on the couch to rest her feet for a minute before she headed up to bed. She must have passed out there. At first, she can't figure out what woke her up but then she hears cooking noises and smells food in the kitchen. She glances over, expecting to see everyone but she just sees Ian moving around by the counter plating the pancakes he'd been making and Mickey sitting at the dining table. She watches how Mickey smiles at her brother. It really lights up his face. She doesn't think she's ever seen him look that way about anything or anyone else. Ian takes the plates and sits down next to Mickey, placing a plate in front of each of them. His back is to Fiona, so she can't see him but she can still see Mickey as he starts eating. At one point, he puts down his fork and brushes a lock of hair back from Ian's forehead. "How'd I get so lucky, Red?" Before Ian can say anything, there is a clamor from upstairs and Carl, Debbie and Liam appear from the kitchen stairs. Ian motions behind him and says "Pancakes for everyone, grab a dish guys." Fiona decides she might as well get up and join them, so she climbs off the couch and goes into the kitchen herself. She grabs a plate, drops some pancakes on it and heads for the table. As she passes behind Mickey, she puts a hand gently on his shoulder and kisses the top of his head. He looks up at her and says "What the hell was that for?" She smiles and replies "No reason, just felt like it."

\--------------------

For the first time in a very long time, Ian and Mickey are spending a night apart. Ian is back at the Gallaghers to stay with the kids while Fiona works an overnight and Lip is at college. Mickey had wanted to spend the night too, but there had been some trouble with the clientele at the rub and tug and he had figured he should be more of a frequent presence. Ian hadn't wanted to risk waking the kids with Mickey coming home so late, so he had told Mickey to just head back home for the night and he would come back the next morning as soon as Fiona was home from her shift. When Mickey had gotten home, the house was quiet and he just assumed Mandy was asleep, but she had actually gotten home from work not long ago herself. She was laying in bed and debating whether to go say hi to Mickey when she heard him on the phone. 

"Hey, just wanted to let you know I got home... Yea it was quiet tonight, no trouble... No, that asshole didn't come back, and good thing because I was ready to kick his ass after what he pulled the other day... Whatever, who cares about work? What are you doing?... How was everything tonight?... Oh good. That's good... HAHA no she didn't! That kid kills me, I'll never get over the fact that she walks around with a shiv... Yea it's quiet here, I think they're all in bed, I just laid down myself... I miss you too... I know, I wish you'd just let me come over there, I don't know how I'm going to sleep without your giant ginger ass wrapped all around me, the bed feels so big without you in it... I KNOW it's just one night but that doesn't mean I have to like it... Fine, fine, go to bed. I'm going to try to get some sleep too, this way when I get up you'll be here. You're coming right home, right?... You got your meds?... Okay, good... Okay, get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning... Bye."

Mandy smiles to herself. She know Mickey might kill her if he knew she had been listening, but she didn't care. It was nice to hear her brother being happy and sweet.

\--------------------

The Gallaghers are all enjoying a day of fun and sun, making the best of what's left of the warm weather. Mickey, Kev and Vee have all come over and everyone is barbecuing and splashing around in the pool. Mickey isn't one for swimming, so he's offered to man the grill while the rest of them hang out. Lip is making trips back and forth to the house to bring out all the hamburgers, hot dogs and fixings that are inside, bringing them to Mickey to cook up. He's returning from the kitchen with bags full of buns and sees Ian has joined Mickey at the grill. From behind, he can see just by their body language how drawn to each other they are. It's almost magnetic. Lip tried not to ever pay attention, considering his disdain for the youngest Milkovich brother, but the longer they're together, the more Lip is starting to understand it, and the more he pays attention in turn. He watches how Mickey turns his body towards Ian, open to him. How Ian automatically tilts his head down to accommodate his shorter boyfriend. How at ease they seem together. He didn't even realize he had stopped to watch them, but when he does, he picks up his step and moves towards them before they notice. "Here's the buns, I think we're all about ready to chow down." Mickey takes the buns and he and Ian start unpacking them and joining them with the burgers and dogs for everyone.

They all sit outside in a rough circle of chairs, eating and drinking, talking and laughing. As night hits, it gets a little chilly out and they all build a fire with this fire pit that Mickey had gotten his hands on and brought over. Slowly, the crowd thins. Fiona takes Liam inside to bed and Kev and Vee leave with the twins to do the same. Carl and Debbie eventually head to bed as well, leaving Lip outside with Ian and Mickey, who seem to have forgotten he's there. He lights a cigarette, figuring he'll smoke it and then head inside himself. The other two are talking quietly, seemingly not realizing that although he's on the other side of the fire, Lip can hear them. Mickey turns to Ian and says "Man, some days, I don't even know how we got here. But you know, I think about it sometimes and even with all the shit we went through, I wouldn't change it." Ian looks at him and says "Really? None of it?" Mickey thinks for a second. "Well, I'd have been nicer to you in the early days. Not taken it for granted. I was an asshole, I know. But I mean the other stuff. I think that going through all that made me realize when it came down to it what you meant to me, how important you are. It made getting to this place worth it." Ian pulls Mickey's head towards him and kisses his temple, leaving his face pressed there for a moment. Lip figures he better excuse himself. "I'm out of here, night guys. No backyard funny business, ya hear?" Mickey gives him the finger but smirks at the same time. They're making progress.

\--------------------

Mickey and Ian spent the night at the Gallagher house after the barbecue, sleeping in Frank's old room. He wakes up and Ian isn't there. He doesn't think much of it, damn kid has always been an early bird. He rubs the last bit of sleep from his eyes and gets up, pulling on his clothes from the night before that wound up in a pile on the floor. He goes downstairs, figuring Ian's probably in the kitchen. He hears the rest of them all yammering. But when he gets down there, he sees everyone except Ian. "Mornin'. Where's Ian?" Fiona looks up from the stove where she's cooking up some eggs. "He's not upstairs? Figured you guys slept in." Mickey shakes his head, feeling uneasy. "Nope. Woke up and he was gone. You guys haven't seen him?" They all look around at each other, taking a silent census. Heads shake all around the room. Fiona shrugs and says "He probably just went for a run or something. You know how he likes to run in the morning." Mickey is wary. "He hasn't been doing as much of that, hasn't had as much energy." Still feeling unsettled, he digs his cell phone out of his pocket and shoots Ian a text. 

_Hey, where are you?_

It feels like an eternity passes, but really it's not that long. Mickey keeps checking his phone for a response, but so far, nothing. This doesn't help his uneasiness. He paces back and forth around the kitchen, twirling his phone in his hand. Fiona looks at him and says "Mickey, please sit down. I'm sure he is fine. Here, eat something." She scoops some eggs on a plate and adds some toast and places the plate at an empty seat at the table. Mickey sits down but doesn't touch his food. He just pushes it back and forth around the plate. He takes the phone out again.

_Hey asshole, can you please answer me? You ok?_

He waits and waits, and still nothing. Finally he says "Fuck this" and he calls Ian. As the phone rings, he hears a familiar tune in the house, very faintly. He goes upstairs and it gets louder. When he gets to the room where they slept that night, he hears it at regular volume. He looks around and finds the phone in the pocket of Ian's jeans from the day before. He comes back down with both phones, and he's on the verge of panic. "He left his phone here. Where the fuck is he?" They all look at each other, starting to all get as nervous as Mickey clearly feels. "Fuck this, I can't just sit here, I'm going to look for him." Fiona comes over and grabs his arm. "Whoa, hold on a second. What good will it do if you're running around looking for him? He could be anywhere. He knows you're here, he'll be back soon, I'm sure of it." Mickey hesitates. He knows she has a point, but doing nothing doesn't feel like any sort of solution. Fiona jumps in again and continues. "How about you call Mandy, see if he stopped by your house or something?" Mickey nods and starts dialing. "Yo, has Ian been at the house this morning?... No?... Fuck... No, he was gone when I woke up... Well if I KNEW why would I call and ask you?... Yea okay, whatever." He hangs up and throws his phone towards the living room. Luckily, it bounces off the couch and lands on the floor, but doesn't break. Not that he cares in the state he's in at this point.

They're all sitting around, nervous energy filling the room. He hears a noise outside the back door, and he goes to check it out. He opens the door, steps out on the back porch and sees Ian trying to hobble up the stairs. He's limping and his hands are bleeding. "Ian, what the fuck happened to you?!" He rushes down the stairs to help him, grabbing one arm and throwing it over his shoulder while he puts his arm around Ian's waist. "I'm fine, Mick. I just fell. I'm fine." Mickey gets him in the house and when Fiona sees him, she looks at Carl and says "Go get Vee." Carl's out the door in a flash. Mickey sets him down gently in one of the kitchen chairs while Fiona wets a dish cloth to help clean Ian's hands. Ian lifts his leg and rests it on another chair, wincing at the pain. Carl and Vee return a minute later, she carrying the twins and he carrying her medical supply bag. She plops the twins in Liam's old pack and play and heads into the kitchen. "Ian, are you alright? What did you do to yourself?" He says "I'm fine, I decided to go for a run this morning and I was feeling good, so I pushed it a little bit. I forgot I haven't really been running for awhile now, I guess it was just too much. I rolled my ankle and scraped my hands up when I tried to catch myself. Not a big deal." She takes off his shoe and sock and tenderly feels at his ankle and foot. She determines it's not too serious, and wraps it with an ace bandage. Meanwhile, Fiona is helping him to clean his hands. It's not more than a little road rash. Vee has him go to the sink and wash them good with soap, but other than that, she decides he's fine.

While Mickey is relieved that Ian is alright, he is also pissed. He tries to contain it but he finds himself starting in on Ian. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why did you leave and not even take your cell phone?!" Ian looks at him. "Mick, I'm sorry. I just forgot. I'm fine, will you relax?" Mickey throws his hands up. "No, I won't relax. You were gone for hours! You scared the shit out of me!" Ian limps over to him and says "Mick, I'm FINE. This wasn't one of my bipolar moments or anything, can you chill out?" Mickey says "Ian, I wasn't even thinking about that. All I was thinking is that you were gone and no one knew where you were, or how long you had been gone and we had no way of reaching you. Sorry for caring, Jesus!" He heads for the back door but Ian grabs him, wincing at the pain in his hand. "Mick, what is your problem? Why are you so bent out of shape?" Mickey finally explodes. "BECAUSE I FUCKIN' LOVE YOU GODDAMMIT! AND I DON'T LIKE NOT KNOWING WHERE YOU ARE, NOT HAVING A WAY TO REACH YOU!" He feels his eyes prickle with tears and digs the heels of his hands in, rubbing furiously and hoping no one else noticed. This wasn't exactly how he had planned to tell Ian he loved him, but then, nothing about their relationship has been what either of them planned.

Everyone had frozen in place when Mickey started yelling. They all just stayed where they were for a beat, until Fiona snapped out of it. "C'mon guys, let's go upstairs, give them some privacy." She rounded up the kids, and Vee motioned to Carl to grab her supply bag. She looked at Ian and said "If you need anything, you call me" and grabbed the twins and left. Ian didn't even respond, he was too busy staring at Mickey. When they're finally alone, Ian moves to Mickey and gently places his hands on either side of Mickey's face, tilting his head up. He looks into his eyes, those blue eyes that Ian can't get enough of, and he kisses him, slow and deep. He breaks the kiss but leaves his hands on Mickey's face. "Mick, I love you too. I've been waiting to say that for a long time. And I'm sorry I freaked you guys out today." Mickey places his hands over Ian's, finally smiles and kisses him again, moving his hands to Ian's waist and pulling him close. "I should have told you a long time ago. But I'm glad I finally said it. As for today, please don't do that shit again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/comments always appreciated! <3
> 
> Find me on Tumblr!
> 
> [Grumbles and Mumbles](grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com)


	6. Coming Out, Chicago Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth of Mickey's coming out becomes more public than they even knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this day and age, you always have to be careful about what winds up on the internet. The boys learn this the hard way.

Ian is watching Yev while Svetlana and Mickey are at the rub and tug, trying to convince him to eat some carrot mush while making airplane noises. There seems to be more food on the high chair tray than in Yev's belly, but Ian hasn't given up yet. He is making faces, noises, anything he can do to get Yev to eat. His phone starts ringing and he sees it's Lip. He answers with one hand, still waving the spoon in Yev's face. "Hey what's going on?"

He hears Lip, who sounds unusually hesitant. "Uh, are you busy? Can you meet me at home in like an hour?" Ian replies "I'm watching Yev right now, don't know when Mickey or Svetlana will be back but I can head over when they do. Everything okay?" Lip doesn't answer at first. Finally he says "Well, depends on your version of okay, but it's not an emergency or anything. I'm heading over there shortly, just come by when you can." Ian agrees and they hang up. Ian gives up on the carrots and takes Yev in the bathroom to wash him up for bed. When they're done, he lays him down in Svetlana's room and turns the lights out. Now that he doesn't have Yev to distract him, he can't stop thinking about the phone call. Finally, Svetlana gets home. "How's baby?" Ian replies "He's fine, been asleep for awhile. Mickey going to be home soon?" She shrugs. "He say he come home not too long." Ian nods. "I have to meet my brother at the house, can you let Mick know I'll be back in a little while? I have my phone if he needs me." She nods and Ian heads to the Gallagher's.

Ian gets to the house and finds Lip in the kitchen studying. No one else seems to be there. He sits down at the table and says "I'm here, what's going on?" Lip replies "I need to show you something." He pulls a new laptop out of his bag, Ian can't help but think that it's either Amanda's, or she's buying him presents again. He puts it on the table and opens it up. Once it's on, he opens a bookmarked webpage and turns the machine so Ian can watch with him, "Did you really drag me out of the house to watch YouTube videos? Mickey has internet you know." Lip says "Shut up, dipshit. This isn't just any video. I think you'll want to see this before you decide if anyone else should." Ian just has time to see that the video is titled Coming Out, Chicago Style when Lip hits play.

The video quality isn't very good, pretty grainy and hard to see. But the audio works just fine.

_I just want everyone to know I'm fucking gay... Big old mo. I just thought every body should know that... You happy now?_

Holy shit, Ian knows that voice all too well. He hears it every day. There's a roar and all of a sudden bodies are flying everywhere, banging and crashing around. Ian sees a flash of orange and realizes with horror that he's looking at himself, just as he crashes into another body. That of one Terry Milkovich. He can't believe what he's even watching. He lived it, but this must be some sort of out-of-body experience. He hears mumbling about calling the cops as the cacophony of noise and yelling continues. After about another minute or two of that, there are shouts of "Police! Nobody move!" and the crowd moving outside, camera bouncing and jostling along. Once outside, the video is a little clearer now, but the person filming is behind Terry and Mickey, so you still don't see them well. Ian watches as they're thrown on the cop cars and yelling their heads off. All Ian hears from Terry is "POLE SMOKING QUEER!" when Mickey responds.

"FUCK YOU, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I'VE BEEN STAYING AT IAN'S SINCE YOU'VE BEEN IN THE CAN BITCH! GUESS WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING DADDY? WE'VE BEEN FUCKING!"

At this, Ian watches and hears as Mickey thrusts viciously against the cop car.

"HE GIVES IT TO ME GOOD AND HARD AND I FUCKING LIKE IT! I SUCK HIS DICK, I FUCKING LOVE IT!"

He watches his boyfriend twist and flail, trying to kick Terry as the other officers drag Terry to their car.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!"

With that, it gets quieter. Ian sees the other cop car drive away and a glimpse of himself giving Terry the finger. And then Mickey being let go. Then, the video just abruptly stops.

Lip and Ian sit there for a long time in silence. Finally, Lip speaks up. "If I'd known THAT was how Mickey finally came out of the closet, I'd have given him a lot more credit a long time ago." Ian just nods. The silence continues for awhile and Lip speaks again, "I think you need to let Mickey know this video exists." Ian looks at him sharply. "Not sure that's a good idea." Lip shrugs. "Might not be, but it has over a million views and keeps growing. Might wanna get to him before someone else does. He'll take it better from you." Ian doesn't respond at first, but then he nods again. He takes out his phone and calls Mickey. "Hey, are you home yet?... Oh you're still there?... Can you do me a favor and meet me on North Wallace when you're done?... Yea I'm with Lip, need to show you something... When you see it, you won't need an explanation... I'm fine. Just come by when you're done... Okay... No, I don't need anything... Okay see you soon... Bye." Lip lights a cigarette and says "And now, we wait."

Mickey finally arrives at the Gallagher house, coming in the back door and finding Lip and Ian sharing a cigarette at the table. Now he knows something's up, Ian barely ever smokes anymore unless he's stressing out about something. He comes behind Ian and puts his hand on his shoulder. "What's the big to do about? Everything alright?" Lip and Ian look at each other. Ian jerks his head ever so slightly and Lip says "I'm going to let you guys talk." He gets up and goes upstairs. Ian gestures to the chair Lip just vacated. "Sit down, I need to show you something." Mickey takes the empty chair and sits, dragging it closer to Ian as he does so. "Okay, now what's going on Red?" Ian takes a breath and says "Lip found this video online, it's been making the rounds apparently. You need to see it. Like I said on the phone, it speaks for itself." He turns the laptop more towards Mickey and hits play. As Mickey watches the video, Ian watches Mickey. He sees every emotion, feeling and thought play out on his face. Confusion, fear, hurt, anger. Ian hurts just watching Mickey watch it. He takes his hand and Mickey doesn't pull away, but he doesn't hold Ian's back. His hand is lifeless in Ian's. 

When the video is finished, Mickey just sits there silently for a minute or two. Finally he gently extracts his hand from Ian's and says "I need a minute." He gets up and goes out the back door. Just then, Fiona and the rest of the kids come home and enter through the front door. She sees Ian sitting in the kitchen and they come in to greet him. "Hey kiddo, whatcha doing here?" When she sees the look on his face, she realizes something is wrong. "What's going on? Everything okay?" He mumbles "Not really" at her. She's about to press him further when Lip comes from upstairs and shakes his head at her. Debbie and Carl watch their older siblings, gazes shifting back and forth, waiting to find out what this weirdness is all about. Mickey returns from outside and sees that everyone else has arrived. He hesitates by the door, leaving it open and one hand still on the knob, as if he's about to flee at any moment, and Ian couldn't even blame him if he did, not for this one.

He eventually closes the door and just stands there. Fiona takes one look at him and says "No, really, what the hell is going on?" She looks at all three of the boys expectantly, waiting for someone to give her a damn answer. Debbie and Carl do as well. Finally, Mickey quietly says "Show 'em." Ian looks at him, jaw dropped. "Mick..." Mickey shakes his head. "No, show them. Let them all see it." Ian hesitates. "Mick, I don't know if Debbie and Carl should see this..." Mickey glares at him. "They're not five year olds. I'm sure they've seen and heard worse. Play the fuckin' video." Ian sighs and hits the play button again. Fiona, Debbie and Carl watch in shock and awe. While Fiona isn't thrilled about the kids watching this, she keeps her mouth shut. When it's over, they all look at Mickey. 

"Just in case there are EVER any lingering doubts about how I feel about your brother. You ever question shit, you think of that video and you ask yourself who the fuck would do that if they didn't care that much about someone. ESPECIALLY with who my father is. I don't expect to ever hear shit from anyone again, especially YOU." He points a finger at Lip and leaves out the back door once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/comments much appreciated :)
> 
> Find me on Tumblr. [Grumbles and Mumbles](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com)


	7. Malenka Divchynka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian finds out a whole lot more about Mickey's family history.

A few weeks pass after the night with the video fiasco. To their credit, the Gallaghers never brought it up again, and Mickey is grateful. At first, he felt odd going back there, but it quickly became easier as time put some distance between them and that shit show. Mickey and Ian head over to the house for dinner and movie night. While they're eating, Debbie keeps complaining about Ellie and Holly, who Mickey has figured out are her two idiot friends. After going on and on, Mickey finally breaks and says "Malenka Divchynka, why even worry about those two? You're way better than them. When you're out ruling the world, their lives are going to be stuck in this neighborhood. Don't even stress over them." He sees everyone is looking at him funny. "What?" Debbie furrows her brow. "What was that you said?" Mickey is genuinely confused. "What do you mean?" Debbie replies "You said something at the beginning. Ma-Malika? Div-chin-ka? Was that it? What does THAT mean?" Mickey hadn't even realized he said it, and he feels nervous being put on the spot about it. "Oh, uh, it's something my mom used to say. I don't really know how to translate it." Ian becomes much more interested in this conversation, seeing as how Mickey's mother is a sensitive subject, Ian avoids it at all costs. It seems the rest of them have noticed this too. Debbie replies "Oh. You never talk about her." Mickey shrugs. "Well, she's been gone a long time now." He looks down at his dinner and tries to focus on eating it. Debbie takes the hint and drops the conversation.

During the movie, Fiona goes upstairs to put Liam to bed and doesn't return, leaving Mickey, Ian, Debbie and Carl in the living room. At some point, when the younger ones are engrossed in the movie, Mickey goes in the kitchen to get a beer. Ian follows him and motions towards the back door. They go outside and sit on the porch, Mickey bringing a beer for Ian as well. They sit down next to each other and Ian busies himself with opening their beers while Mickey lights a cigarette. Ian asks "So, what did it mean?" Mickey looks at him, confused again. "Malenka divchynka. What does it mean?" Mickey smiles, but it's a sad smile. "Little girl. She used to call Mandy that when she was a baby, got it from her father. That's what he called her too. Your pronunciation is much better than Debbie's, must be all that time you're spending around Svetlana." Ian nods, and Mickey can see the faraway thoughtful look in his eyes. "What's going on in there, Red?" He taps a finger gently on Ian's forehead as he asks. Ian shrugs. "I dunno, I guess I'm just realizing how little I really know about your life." Mickey looks at him and says "Well, what do you want to know?" Ian laughs and says "Shit, everything. I don't know." Mickey smiles and says "Well, I don't know if I can tell you everything, but I'll tell you whatever I can think of. I don't know if you know this, but we're not originally from Chicago." Ian's eyes widen. "What are you talking about? I remember you from little league, from elementary school." Mickey nods. "Oh yea, we were here then. But originally I was born in Brooklyn, New York. All my siblings were." Ian is shocked. "I can't believe Mandy never told me that." Mickey replies "Well, I'm not. We don't really talk about those days, the good days. Or the better days, however you want to look at it. Not even amongst ourselves. But I'm getting ahead. If I'm going to tell you everything I can, I'll have to go further back." He takes a swig of his beer and starts in on a story that Ian never expected.

_My father and mother were both born in Ukraine, but in those days it was the USSR. My father's birth name isn't Terry, it was actually Taras. Taras Milkovich. That part stuck. My mother was Alla. Their families immigrated to New York separately, but both to Brooklyn. There was a big Russian and Eastern European community there, Brighton Beach. They met there, I don't know exactly when but they were teenagers I think. Anyway, my mom got pregnant and they got married. And after that it was one kid after another. We were all given Ukrainian names at birth, none of us had the names we have now until we moved here. Terry had them changed, guess he wanted us to fit in better, who knows. Ukrainian names weren't uncommon in Brooklyn, but haven't seen much like that around these parts. Colin was Kostya, Jamie was Yuri, Joey was Yosef... His was the only one that pretty much stayed the same. Iggy was Igor, mine was Mikhail and Mandy was Maryska. Mikhail is basically Michael. Why they decided to legally change my name to Mickey, who the hell knows. We used to speak Ukrainian at home, but fuck if I remember much now besides a random word or phrase here and there._

_We had a lot of fun in those days. Brighton Beach really is on the beach, we used to spend all summer swimming and riding our bikes up and down the boardwalk. We were kids then, allowed to just be kids. We were right next to Coney Island, and we would head down there and do the rides until we couldn't even stand up straight out of dizziness. My favorite was always this one called the Tilt A Whirl. It would spin you around on this track really fast and you'd get to this point where you thought you were going to crash into another one of the cars, but you never did of course. I loved it. And the Wonder Wheel. You could see everything from up there. We'd get hot dogs and fries and play arcade games. There was a man who used to roam up and down the beach selling those frozen fudge pop things, everyone called him the Fudgie Man. Just walked around all day with this cooler strapped over his shoulder. The beach was so packed you could barely move through the people. He must have made a killing. Sometimes, one or both of our parents would pack us up and take us into the city. No one calls it Manhattan there, just "the city". See the big tree in Rockefeller Center for Christmas, go to Times Square. It's as ridiculous and lit up as you'd think of from seeing it on TV. Hell, it's probably worse in person. Central Park was beautiful._

_You'd be surprised, but Terry wasn't the big racist back then that he's become. Maybe that's why he tolerated that idiot Kenyatta when Mandy was with him, who knows. We went to school with people of every background you could imagine, had friends from everywhere. Our parents never cared. My mom was a visiting nurse and one of her best friends was a black lady who lived in Coney Island in the projects, that's like affordable apartment buildings. They used to have these block parties in the summer that put the Southside to shame, shut down the whole street and run wild. You could hear the music for blocks and blocks. Her son was a crazy street dancer, he taught me how to do stuff like heel toe. He had me listening to reggae before I was even in kindergarten. He was awesome._

_You'd also be surprised to know that Terry wasn't always a criminal. He was never the nicest guy, was always quick to slap my mom and my brothers around for stupid shit that wouldn't piss off other people. But he never used to be aggressive towards me or Mandy. He had a regular job, he went to work and came home every evening. I don't know what happened, he got laid off or fired and couldn't find anything else. He started drinking. He had a few brothers, one still lives in Brooklyn and the other two are here. They were always the ones who were up to no good, and he always avoided it until he got desperate. Six kids, no money, he got involved with my uncle back there running drugs and whatnot. My mother's parents never liked him, always waiting for him to live a life like his brothers and I guess in the end, they were right to worry about it._

_I remember September 11. I was, shit how old was I? I'd just turned 7. We all happened to be home, we had all gotten some sort of summer flu or some shit, I think. We saw what was happening on TV and I remember my parents piling us all in the car and we drove down to the end of Coney Island and you could see it from the beach, it was awful. We actually watched when that first tower fell, and then my parents hustled us back to the car and brought us home and kept us away from the TV the rest of the day. But we knew, to a degree, what was going on. How serious it was. I remember after that I'd decided I wanted to be a cop, a fireman, I wanted to help people. I told my parents my plan some months after it happened. I remember my mother looked so proud, but Terry... He slapped me right in my face. That was the first time he ever hit me, if you can believe that. Got right in my face after and told me that I should worry less about strangers and more about looking out for my own family, making money for us, protecting us, because what would they ever give back to me anyway._

_We wound up in Chicago because my father got mixed up in some shit that was even over his head. To this day, I never found out what or how bad. Hell, maybe that's even why he changed all our names, but maybe not. He kept the Milkovich part. Anyway, his brothers said they could use him out here, so he packed us all up. We left to come here on my 8th birthday. My grandparents, my mom's parents, kept begging her not to go. Maybe they knew they wouldn't see her again. My grandfather kept saying to her Malenka Divchynka and pleading with her to stay. My grandmother, we called her Baba, she gave me an evil eye charm for my birthday. Those Ukrainians are very superstitious. Told me it would protect me. Can't say it worked all that well, but I still have it. Deep down, I think I always wondered if it wouldn't have turned out even worse if I hadn't kept it._

_So we wind up in Chicago and got our name changes and got enrolled in school. My brothers were already getting older so my father quickly got them involved in his business with my uncles. Since Mandy and I were so young, my mom got us into some activities, trying to make the adjustment easier I guess. That's how I wound up in little league with you. But that didn't last long. My dad's drinking got worse, and he started using from time to time. It was just so easy, since he was dealing and all. Even my mother got into it. She died a couple of years after we moved here. I think she OD'ed but again, that was another vague thing that wasn't really discussed. I just remember coming home from school with Mandy and Terry told us she was dead. Very matter of fact. There wasn't even a real funeral. He had her cremated and I think he sent her remains back to her parents. That's what I assume anyway. After that, we never talked to them again. I don't even know if they're still alive. As for the rest, I think you know or can figure out most of that. When I got a little older, my father started involving me in his bullshit. The rest is history._

They sit together quietly for awhile. Finally, Ian puts his arm around Mickey and pulls him close. "Thank you for telling me all of that." Mickey leans against him, turning to nuzzle his face into Ian's neck. "There's no one I'd rather tell it to. I haven't thought about any of that in a long time. I'm glad you asked me." He rests his head on Ian's shoulder and they enjoy the silence. They've had enough talking for one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/comments much appreciated :)
> 
> Find me on Tumblr! [Grumbles and Mumbles](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com)
> 
> I did a bit of googling to find Ukrainian names to try to match up to the Milkovich family members that I discussed in this chapter. Anything about New York is just stuff I know because I know the areas I'm speaking about.


	8. Wanted Dead or Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More about Mickey's mother and his history

"Mick, I wanted to talk to you about something."

It figures Ian would pounce on Mickey before he was even through the door. "You're an impatient fucker, can I get in the house before you're all over me for something?" Ian smiles shyly. "Sorry, I know... But I really do want to talk to you." Mickey grabs Ian gently by the back of the neck and pulls him in for a kiss. "You can talk to me all you want if you'll make me something to eat too, I'm fuckin' starving. We need to convince Kev to start serving food in that shithole, I can't be eating so late like this all the time." Ian heads to the kitchen to scrounge something up and Mickey follows him, grabbing a beer out of the fridge and hopping up to sit on the counter. Ian throws together a sandwich and passes it over. Mickey takes a bite and says "Alright Red, what's on your mind?" 

Ian takes a deep breath. He's worried about this conversation, but thinks it needs to happen anyway. "Okay, well I've been thinking about all that stuff you had told me about your life and your family, and how many unanswered questions and shit there seemed to be. Like, with the circumstances of you guys leaving New York, and your mom dying and all. And I thought that maybe it would be good for you if you had some closure. I found out that you can order copies of vital records online, like birth and death certificates, stuff like that. So I was going to order a copy of your mom's, so that you could know for sure what happened because it always lists a reason. But when I searched nothing came up. I even asked Lip to help because he's always been better at digging shit up than I am, and HE came up with nothing. So I actually called to find out if maybe I was doing something wrong and the person I spoke with looked up the records and said there is no death record of an Alla Milkovich or any female Milkovich for that matter in Chicago."

Mickey doesn't say anything at first, but Ian sees he's thinking. He's doing that thing where he bites the inside of his cheek and swipes at his lip with his thumb. Finally he speaks up. "But that doesn't make any sense. Terry told us she was dead." Ian looks over at him. "Told you? What do you mean he told you? Did you actually see her?" Mickey shakes his head. "No, there wasn't a funeral or anything like that. We came home from school one day and he just spit it out." Ian's approaches his next question even more carefully. "Mick... Is it possible that she's not dead?" Again, Mickey doesn't say anything. Ian watches and waits, sees Mickey processing this thought, turning it around and around in his mind, looking for flaws or arguments, anything where he can say that it's not possible, that his truth is THE truth. But Ian also sees an awareness come into Mickey's eyes, an anger. He cuts in again before Mickey has a chance. "Maybe we should try to find out for sure." Mickey looks at him. "Yea, Sherlock? And how do you suppose we do that?" Ian has already went over this conversation a hundred ways in his mind, and he has an answer for every scenario. "We can try to track down your grandparents, get in touch with them, see if they know." Mickey shrugs. "We haven't talked to them in like, ten years. I don't even know if they're alive." Ian replies "I know, but we can find out. Don't you want to know?" 

Mickey's frustration is building, but to his credit, he is trying very hard not to take it out on Ian. "Fuck, I don't know! If she's not dead that means she left us, or he made her leave, and she dumped us with THAT asshole. If she's not dead, am I supposed to be relieved or even more fuckin' angry? It's been so long, I mean if she's out there somewhere she almost might as well be dead anyway for all it matters!" He rubs his temples with both hands, feeling a headache on its way. "Ian, if you want to dig around and see if you find anything, I'll go along with it from there if you turn anything up. But I don't know if I've got it in me right now to go on the crusade." Ian thinks about this and says "Fine. But I need to get at least some info from you. Do you know her parents' names?" Mickey pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to think. "Fuck, hmm. My grandmother was Luba. My grandfather, I think, was Boris. I can't remember their last name." Ian thinks. "Well, her maiden name should be on the original birth certificates, any idea where they would be?" Mickey shrugs and replies "Well, there's an old beat up file cabinet in Terry's room, if they're anywhere it's probably there. If you want to go on a treasure hunt, be my guest, but I'm not digging through all that shit. I'm going to hop in the shower. Let me know if you come up with anything." Somehow during the conversation, Mickey had finished the sandwich. He downs the last of his beer, drops the bottle in the sink and heads towards the bathroom, shedding his clothes as he goes. Ian goes into Terry's old room, sees the file cabinet and opens the first drawer to start looking.

The drawer is stuffed full of papers, no organization at all. That would be too easy, Ian thinks to himself. He starts pulling stuff out and throwing it on the bed to sort through. At the bottom of the drawer is a shoebox. He opens it and finds a treasure trove of pictures. He sees a lot of familiar faces, but much younger. All the Milkovich kids, Terry, and a woman who has to be Alla. He's never seen her before, but he knows right away it's her. She has Mandy's face, just a little fuller and not as angular, but with Mickey's stunning blue eyes. He's fixated on these pictures, flipping through them, trying to get to know a Mickey he's only ever imagined. Scrawny Mickey, swim shorts cinched at the waist and digging a hole at the beach. Smiling Mickey, missing his two front teeth and poking his tongue through the hole. Mickey in the winter, bundled in a snowsuit that makes him look like a big red marshmallow, with a red nose to match. Mickey and Mandy, hugging each other tight, cheeks pressed together with big toothy grins. Terry looking like a decent person, smiling and holding Mickey and Mandy, one in each arm. He finds pictures of what must be their grandparents with their mom, and those blue eyes run in the family. Grandpa has them too. He wants to look at these pictures forever, but he came in here for a reason. He puts them back in the box and sets the box aside for another time. He starts shuffling through the papers and finds nothing useful from that first drawer.

Ian is so engrossed in looking for the paperwork that he doesn't even hear Mickey finish in the shower and come to the doorway to watch him. By then, Ian had moved onto the second drawer and still no luck. It was full of notepads containing codes, phone number and dollar amounts. Something related to Terry's shady, business dealings, Ian had assumed. Mickey watched him for a few minutes before he tiptoed into their bedroom to try and get some sleep. While he appreciated Ian's efforts, he wasn't sure how he felt about this situation. Sometimes he wished for a life of secrecy again, a world of hidden lust, where the only people who knew about he and Ian were the two of them, where discussion of his sexuality wasn't raking up hits on YouTube. Where he didn't have to justify his feelings to the Gallaghers or anyone else. But deep down, he knew that he couldn't be that person and still be the person Ian not only needed, but deserved. And so, he left Ian alone to dig through those old papers, to find the remnants of the life Mickey could have had (maybe a life Mickey could possibly have, but he won't let himself think of that). 

Ian finally finds what he's looking for in the third drawer. In an old folder, he finds all of their birth certificates and important papers. He flips through until he gets to Mickey's and scans the information. Once he's done, he puts the others back and takes Mickey's with him as he goes into their bedroom. "Romanenko!" Mickey is almost asleep and it doesn't click right away. "Roma-what?" Ian flops down on the bed beside him. "Romanenko! That's their last name, I found your birth certificate!" Mickey sits up, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Lemme see that." Ian hands him the paper and Mickey reads the main information out loud. "Mikhail Milkovich, born August 10, 1994, 7 pounds 12 ounces, 21 inches long, born at 6:57am, father Taras Milkovich, mother Alla Milkovich, maiden name Romanenko." He sits there quietly for a moment, just touching the paper in his hands. Feeling it, how old it is, how real it is... It reminds him that his old life was real once too. The weight of those years gone by sitting on his shoulders, weighing on him. Now he knows that he has to know, has to go down this road and find out what he can. He can't turn back. "You're good, Red. Go get the laptop, let's see if we can find anything." Ian leaves the room and comes back with the laptop and a couple of beers. Mickey takes one gratefully and pops it open, taking a long swig to prepare himself for what's coming.

Ian pecks away at the laptop, checking the grandparents names on Google. He doesn't really find much. "Hey, would you mind if I asked Lip for suggestions? He's better at this stuff than I am." Mickey shrugs and motions to him to go for it. Ian calls him up and he picks up after a few rings. "Hey Lip, were you asleep?... Okay good, I have a question... If I'm trying to find someone online, or a way to get in touch with them, what's the best way?... Yea I have names and last known location... Okay... Mmhmm I'm listening..." As Lip speaks on the other end, Mickey watches Ian typing and clicking away. "Yea, okay I think I got it... I'll text you if I need anything else... Yea I'll let you know how it turns out... Okay... Later." He hangs up and tosses the phone aside, never taking his eyes off the laptop screen. After another minute or two of that, he goes "I think I got something!" He turns the computer so that Mickey can see, and it's a white pages phone listing website, with a number for one Luba Romanenko in Brooklyn, New York. Mickey feels like he can't breathe, he's overwhelmed with memories of Baba. The last time he saw her, when she gave him the evil eye charm. How she made the best borscht he'd ever eaten, he never ate it again after they moved to Chicago, not even when Svetlana would make it. How she had this funny way of wearing mismatching patterns. "Ian, I don't know how we can just call her. What do we say? I don't even know if she speaks English. She spoke some when I lived there but not much." Ian thinks this over. "Maybe we can get Svetlana to call for us? Come up with a cover story? I know Russian and Ukrainian aren't the same, but they're pretty similar. Svetlana could probably get the gist of what we want to know and we can take it from there." Mickey thinks for a minute and finally replies "Well we can't do anything tonight, it's late. Can I sleep on it and we figure it out tomorrow?" Ian nods and closes the laptop, but not before bookmarking the page with the phone number.

They lie down, Ian behind Mickey and curled around him. He rubs Mickey's arm. "Are you okay, Mick? You seem tense." Mickey shrugs. "It's a lot to process, that's all." Ian keeps rubbing his arm, and trails his hand down to Mickey's leg, and then back up and over his stomach. He whispers in Mickey's ear "Maybe we need to give you an outlet for some of that stress." He gently bites Mickey's earlobe as he drifts his hand over Mickey's boxers. Mickey moans "Mmm Gallagher" as Ian slips his hand inside and starts stroking Mickey. Ian grinds against him from behind, breathing hot on Mickey's neck. Mickey squirms in anticipation, already getting hard just at the thought of what's about to happen. In a flash, Ian pulls his hand out and pushes him over onto his stomach, peppering kisses all over Mickey's back and tugging at his boxers to pull them down. He grabs the lube off the windowsill where he'd last left it and squirts a generous amount onto his hand. Wasting no time, he gently inserts one finger as Mickey moves up onto his hands and knees. He strokes Mickey teasingly from inside, knowing just what to do to set him off. Mickey is already moaning softly and they haven't even gotten started yet. He works a second finger in, and then a third. Finally, Mickey can't take the wait anymore. "Gallagher, get in me. I want to feel you!" Ian squirts more lube in his hand, works himself over and slowly pushes in until Mickey's ass is against him. He starts moving slow, pulling almost completely out and then pushing all the way back in just as slowly. He loves teasing Mickey, getting him all riled up is a major turn on for Ian. He can feel Mickey trying to push back against him, making it harder, faster. He hold him off and then suddenly thrusts forward quickly. He pumps faster, harder, pulling Mickey's hips to him as he thrusts forward, feeling Mickey slap against him. They're both moaning, Mickey burying his face in a pillow to try and stifle himself. He doesn't know if he's just that horny or if it's the pent up emotion of everything that's been going on lately, but Ian feels that he's not going to last much longer. He reaches around and starts to jerk Mickey off while still thrusting into him. "Holy shit, Ian, I'm going to come, oh fuck!" and then Mickey is coming in Ian's hand and on the bed. Seconds later, Ian comes as well. He doesn't pull out right away, just slumps over Mickey's back and lays his cheek on his shoulder, catching his breath. Eventually, he slips out and rolls over onto the bed next to Mickey, who lays his head on Ian's chest and throws his leg over him. Ian's fingers stroke through Mickey's hair and he whispers "Mick, I love you. And no matter what happens or what we find out, _I'm_ your family. You've always got me." Mickey nods into Ian's chest, and they fall asleep just like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this problem where I start writing fics thinking it's heading in one direction, and I take it somewhere I never intended it to go. But maybe it's better that way, I like it anyway. Let me know what you think, I always appreciate feedback! And if you like it, feel free to leave kudos too :)
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr at [Grumbles and Mumbles](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com)


	9. I'm Going Home, I'm Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey is going home. But what is home to him, is it a place, a time, a person?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief references to abuse, rape and sexual abuse.

The next morning, they wake up and make their way into the kitchen for coffee and breakfast. Svetlana is there feeding Yev and has already made a pot of coffee. Mickey eagerly pours them each a mug full and plops down at the table, giving Svetlana a nod and tipping the cup in her direction. Slowly their relationship is thawing, being civil is easy enough now. But Mickey dreads asking Svetlana to do him a favor with this phone call thing, he doesn't want to be indebted to her. "Hey uh, Svetlana, can I ask you for a favor?" She looks at him, curious, one eyebrow raising just so. "You need something from me? What you need?" He replies "I need you to call someone for me, try to get some information about a person we're trying to locate." She looks at him suspiciously. "Why you not call? You don't know how to use phone? Push button, ring ring, talk? Not too hard." He's about to say something especially sarcastic when he sees Ian watching him, and he knows it won't get him anywhere. "That's not it, the person I need you to call is Ukrainian, I don't know how much English she speaks. I know being Russian isn't the same thing, but I figured if either of us had a chance of understanding her it would be you. It sure as hell wouldn't be me." She squints at him. "What you need to know?" He replies "The person you're calling is Luba, although if a man answers that would be Boris. You tell them you're trying to get in touch with Alla Romanenko." She nods slowly, thinking. "I will need reason to be looking, yes? What you think I should tell them?" Ian chimes in and says "How about a class reunion for school or something? You could be trying to reach her about that." Svetlana thinks this over and finally nods. "Give me phone."

Mickey hands her his cell phone and recites the number to her as she dials. She hold the phone up to her head and waits. Suddenly she's speaking. "Privyet, eto Lyuba? Ya pytayus dostich Alla Romanenko." She pauses and then continues, speaking too fast for Mickey to catch anything but snippets of her responses, not that he understands the parts he does hear. "Da, kak dela?... Khorosho... Ya ne znayu..." She motions to the boys for a pen and paper and starts jotting down information in Russian as she speaks. Mickey doesn't realize it, but he's leaning forward in anticipation, waiting to find out what they're discussing. "Spasibo... Do svidanya." She hangs up the phone. Mickey looks at her expectantly. "This woman, she is Alla's mother, yes?" Mickey nods. "Well, she tell me Alla is working in Russian restaurant, give me name, address and number to reach her there, but doesn't give me her personal information. Is this good? It helps?" Mickey and Ian just stare at each other. Alla Milkovich is alive. "Hello, why you not answer? Who is this Alla?" Mickey snaps out of it. "Yes, thank you. It does help. Can you tell me the info in English so I can rewrite it? You wrote it in Russian." She relays the information to him and he jots it down. "Who is this Alla?" Mickey replies "I'll let you know when I know more." She glares at him but doesn't say anything else, instead taking Yev and retreating to her room.

It all hits Mickey like a train. The truth, his feelings, the realization that she's ALIVE. That she left him and his brothers and sister with Terry. That so many things he had believed were a lie. He bends forward and puts his face in his hands and Ian is at his side in a flash, squatted down next to him. "Ian, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" Ian rubs Mickey's sides and says "I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you what I think. I think that you should find her, find out why. I think you deserve to know. But if you don't want to do anything, I understand. And I hope you're not upset with me for dragging you into this." Mickey looks up and puts his hands on Ian's face. "I'm not mad at you. I'm just... I'm shocked. I just always believed that she was gone. I want to know, but I don't even know how to go about finding out." Ian takes Mickey's hands and says "Honestly? I think we should go on an adventure. Find her, track her down and find out why once and for all." Mickey looks at him questioningly. "You really think we should just go to New York and hunt her down?" Ian smiles and says "Why not? Wouldn't be the craziest thing either of us has ever done. And besides, much harder for her to avoid it face to face. You can always hang up a phone, change a number. If she had her reasons for leaving, who knows how she'll handle being found." Mickey thinks this over. 

Finally, he says "Well, guess we better start doing our homework if we're going to go on a trip. I've got some money stashed away, might as well use it towards this. Get the laptop." Ian grabs it and sits down next to Mickey, and they start pricing transportation, hotels, and the like. Eventually, after doing a bunch of research, they come up with a game plan and some arrangements. They figure they can manage to go out there for about a week. Mickey actually has a credit card, one he had gotten for emergencies after Ian's diagnosis, in case a quick fix or scam wouldn't do. He uses this to book everything. They're leaving in two weeks. After heated debate, they've decided not to tell anyone the purpose for this trip just yet. He figures maybe it's better to see how things go, if their mother even wants to be a part of any of their lives. They don't want to set five more people up for disappointment if the trip is a bust. Everyone just thinks this is a long overdue vacation for the couple. Except Svetlana. She knows something is up. She takes Mickey aside and says "Tell me truth. Is this about Alla?" Mickey decides to trust her. "Yes, but please don't mention anything to anyone. I don't want them to know until I find out how this trip goes. I'll explain it to you when we get back." She looks him over once, and finally nods her agreement. She knows how to keep a secret too.

Mickey practically counts the minutes until their trip. For two weeks, he barely sleeps, a combination of anticipation and nerves. He has a bag packed a week before the trip, he's checked that he has the address of the restaurant where his mother works 100 times. Finally, it's departure day. On the way to the airport, Mickey remembers that he's never even been on an airplane. A whole new host of nerves make a home in his brain, and he can barely sit still on the way to the airport. Ian tries as hard as he can to reassure Mickey, to bring him back down to Earth, but it's a futile effort and he knows it. Mickey's just glad he's not doing this on his own. He doesn't know if Ian knows how much comfort his presence actually brings, but Mickey is eternally grateful for him. He doesn't even know how to say or show it, but he knows after this he'll find a way. After a harrowing wait at airport security, they finally get through and wait just a brief time before they board and are bound for New York. Ian had taken the liberty of printing a bunch of maps of the area where they're staying and where they are going to try to locate Alla. Mickey's original stomping grounds. Mickey just hopes that he'll be able to remember some stuff once they're there.

They land in New York and take an uneventful cab ride to their hotel, located in a nearby neighborhood. After they're checked in and have settled into the hotel, Mickey can't bear to wait any longer. He wants to get out on the streets, get moving. They can walk to Brighton Beach, and it's a nice enough day for it. They set out on a mission to find Mickey's past. He knows when they're in the right area. Not everything looks the same as he remembers, but there's a feel about it that he knows is right. They move through the streets, full of unknown faces but familiar sounds, the lilt of Russian accents and voices. He scans the crowds for signs of someone familiar, even though he knows it's not realistic, he can't help it. Ian looks at one of the maps he's pulled from his pocket. "I think the restaurant is just a few blocks up. Do you want to go there now? We can eat some dinner, gotta eat sometime anyway." Mickey nods. Not like there's any other option as far as he's concerned. They keep walking and find it a few minutes later. He can't wait to get inside, but he also can't bring himself to open the door. He lights a cigarette to buy himself a few more minutes. Ian understands, he's patient and doesn't argue or even acknowledge what Mickey's doing. He just waits. Finally, Mickey throws the butt to the ground and says "I guess it's now or never." He opens the door and they go inside.

They scan the room as soon as they're inside, looking for any sign of her face, but they don't see anyone familiar. They get a table and a waiter hands them menus. Mickey takes his but doesn't even open it. He fidgets with it nervously. Ian tries to browse through it but it's all in Russian and he has no idea what the hell anything is. He looks at Mickey helplessly and whispers "How the hell do I know what to get, I can't read this damn thing!" Mickey waves him off. "I'll order some stuff and we'll hope for the best." Ian nods and they wait for the waiter to return. Finally, when he comes back, Mickey orders a slew of things that Ian's never heard of (except borscht, he knows what that is) and the waiter disappears. Still no sign of Alla anywhere. The waiter returns a short time later with two bowls of borscht and they start eating it. Ian thinks it's pretty tasty. Mickey smiles at the familiarity of the dish. "Not bad, but Baba's was always better." They're almost finished with that when the waiter brings another dish. Ian sees that it's bowtie pasta with something that looks like quinoa but bigger. Mickey informs him that it's "Kasha Varnishkes." Ian looks at it suspiciously. "What the hell is it?" Mickey smirks. "It's pasta and buckwheat and flavoring. Just eat it." Ian tests it out and it's not bad, but not as good as the borscht. Then another pasta dish comes out, it looks like tortellini with onions on top. There's also sour cream on the side and now Ian is mystified. Mickey says "Pelmeni. It's like the Russian version of meat ravioli. Use the sour cream, it's not the same without it." Ian shrugs and goes for it and damn, this is tasty. He scarfs it down. Then there's a plate of chicken and sausage and some other meat. Ian could get used to the way the Russian and Eastern Europeans eat. Even Mickey, for all his anxiety, gets a short relief while focusing on eating their dinner. 

When they're stuffed to capacity, Mickey remembers the reason they're here. He catches the waiter's attention and asks "Hey, is Alla working tonight?" The waiter says "Yes, she should be here in just a few minutes actually. Do you want me to send her over when she gets in?" Mickey nods and the waiter continues what he was doing. "Ian, I can't believe we're here. I can't believe she'll be here any minute. I'm kind of freaking out a bit." Ian looks at him from across the table and replies "Mick, it's like I told you. No matter what happens, I'm here. Always. It will be fine. At least you'll know once and for all." They're leaning as close as they can manage across the table, speaking in hushed whispers. They get lost in their conversation and for a moment, they're confused when a voice appears over their heads. "Excuse me, I hear you are looking for me?" They shoot up and Mickey gets the first look he's had at his mother in about ten years. "Hi Mom."

She's older than Mickey remembers, crows feet marking her eyes and some gray dotted through her brown hair. She jerks upright when he calls her Mom, and when she gets a good look at him, it all falls into place. "I-My... Misha! I can't believe this is really you!" She hesitates for a moment and then slowly reaches her hand to touch Mickey's cheek, a tear rolling down her own. "I can't believe you are here. How did you find me?" Mickey gestures to Ian. "He found you. This is Ian... My boyfriend." She looks over at Ian. "Oh... OH! Okay, hi! Nice to meet you." She offers her hand and Ian accepts it. Mickey can't help but be a bit amused that at least one of his parents had a good reaction to him being gay. She looks at Mickey. "Can I sit?" He nods and she takes the empty chair next to him. "So tell me how you found me." Ian explains everything to her. The whole time, she listens attentively but she keeps reaching out for Mickey, patting an arm, his hand. It's like she's reminding herself that he's really there. Finally, Mickey interjects. "I need to know why you left. Why you left us behind. How could you do that to us? HOW?" She sighs, another tear finds its way down her face. "Oh, Misha. I did not want to leave you all. Your father is a bad man. After we got to Chicago and things got really bad, and he got me using drugs, I knew I had to get out. I was trying to save money to bring you all back home, back here. I stopped using and took that money and started saving it, pretending I was still using. He found out. He found out my plan and told me that if I thought I was taking his kids away he would kill me. HIS KIDS." She snorts at this, and then continues. "I believed him. Why wouldn't he? I didn't want to leave you all but I knew you were tough, that you would all survive him. I felt like I had no choice." Mickey looks at her. "He told us you were dead. All these years, we thought you were dead." She nods. "Yes, that sounds like Taras. Misha, I'm sorry. I know you're hurting. But please, you have to understand that I feared my life." 

Mickey wants to understand, and really, he does in a way. But he's also angry, more angry than he's been in a very long time. He seethes "Do you know what we've all been through because of him? Jail, juvenile detention, fights, committing crimes, he raped Mandy. He abused us. He pistol whipped me. He attacked my boyfriend twice. He found out I was gay and tried to have a whore get rid of my gayness. Made me marry her. She birthed my CHILD, a child I shouldn't have to look at every day of my damn life! Do you have any idea what your absence has done? DO YOU? If you feared your own life, how could you not fear for ours? How could you not get us out of there? HOW COULD YOU?!" He pushes himself back from the table, grabs his wallet out of his pocket and throws some money down for their dinner. "I can't do this, I don't know why I came here, came all this way. I can't do this. I thought he was the one who ruined my life, and all this time, it was really you because you LEFT US WITH HIM. I have to go, I just, I can't do it." He hurries out of the restaurant, leaving her there. Ian looks at her and can see the sadness and pain in her face. "I'm sorry. I have to go after him. I'll try to have him come back or call you but it probably won't be today. We're in town for about a week. Can I take your number?" She nods and writes it down for him. He grabs the paper and gives her a halfhearted wave before he follows Mickey out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr! [Grumbles and Mumbles](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com)
> 
> And a big thanks to everyone who's been reading, this is my most viewed fic so far, as well as most kudos! <3


	10. You Know Me Better Than I Know Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey tries to forget about that disaster of a reunion with his mother. Ian just tries to enjoy this time with Mickey

When Ian gets outside, he finds Mickey sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. Ian sits next to him, and they stay that way silently for a few minutes. When he's done, Mickey flicks the cigarette away and finally speaks. "I couldn't do it, Ian. I'm sorry." Ian looks at him and responds "Mick, don't EVER apologize to me for that. You have to do what's right for you, I understand." Mickey sighs. "But I feel like this trip was a waste of time then. What now?" Ian smiles and says "Mick, we're in New York! We can do anything. We can go sightseeing, you can show me places you used to like to go when you were a kid. I want to see New York how you knew it. We can spend the week and live in some of your old, happy memories." Mickey nods and stands up. He offers his hand to Ian and helps him up. "Let's take a walk."

He leads Ian down a side street and they wind up on the boardwalk. There are some people hanging out, sitting on the benches, taking a walk, riding their bikes. But it's not too busy. Summer is over and it's past peak season. As they walk, Ian can see more of a crowd forming, and finally he sees the rides Mickey told him about. Mickey approaches a ticket booth. "Hey, you still got the Tilt A Whirl?" The guy nods and Mickey takes out his wallet, sliding a bill through the window and saying "I'll take two tickets." The guy hands him the tickets and his change and he motions to Ian. "C'mon." Ian follows him into the park, past some kiddie rides and finally they find what Mickey is looking for. Mickey hands over the tickets and they go onto the ride, sitting together in one of the cars. More people fill up the ride and it starts. The ride spins faster and faster, and they're spinning and laughing, Mickey's hair whipping in the wind. When the ride finally stops and they get off, they're both laughing at how unsteady their legs are, dizzy from going around and around. They exit and Ian notices a huge ferris wheel, unlike anything he's ever seen at their local fairs. "That's the Wonder Wheel. Let's go." Mickey leads him over and buys two more tickets. They get in line and eventually make their way to the front. Ian sees there are cars that swing and cars that don't. Mickey picks a stationary one. "They go higher, highest on the wheel. Better view." Ian nods and they climb in, getting a car to themselves and sitting side by side.The first trip up is a slow one as they load all of the passengers. They stop at the very top of the wheel, Ian marveling at the view below. Mickey takes Ian's face in his hands and kisses him, rubbing Ian's cheek with his thumb. "Thank you for coming here with me. I couldn't do this trip without you." Ian nods and kisses him again. 

The ride continues and after the wheel is loaded up, it does a full rotation without stopping. They get off and Ian spots one of those old school photo booths, where you sit inside and come out with a strip of pictures. "Hey, let's take some pictures!" Mickey rolls his eyes and says "Oh c'mon, why do you want me to do that gay shit?" Ian looks at him, eyes pleading. "Oh Mick, come ON! We don't have any pictures together! Please?" Mickey finally relents and they climb in the booth. It's a tight squeeze, so he doesn't have much choice but to half sit on Ian's lap. "This is ridiculous." Ian just smiles at him and says "Oh shut up and just have fun for a minute." He feeds some bills into the money slot and their faces come up on the screen. Just as the first picture is about to snap, Ian digs his hands into Mickey's sides, tickling him. Mickey starts cracking up and the picture snaps. Then Ian says "C'mon, make a stupid face with me!" Mickey rolls his eyes but he obliges. Next, Ian's like "Okay, let's do a nice smiling one." He leans his head in towards Mickey and they both have big stupid grins on their face. For the last one, Ian is about to suggest something else when Mickey takes Ian's face in his hands and kisses him. The camera snaps and now they just have to wait for their photo strip to print. It drops out of it's slot and Ian grabs it. He smiles as he looks at it, especially that last picture. He can see the U-UP on Mickey's hand, pressed on his cheek. He gently touches the picture with his finger, the first photo evidence of their years together. It was worth the wait for this, he thinks.

They continue through the park, watching some of the different rides and eventually making their way out to the street. They're walking and Ian notices an old wooden roller coaster. Mickey tells him "That's the Cyclone. Never got a chance to ride it as a kid, I was too young and short before we left Brooklyn." Ian smiles and says "Well, there's a first time for everything!" He grabs Mickey's arm and pulls him to the ride, taking money out of his own wallet for the tickets. Mickey tries to object, but Ian ignores him. Ian heads for the first car and Mickey climbs in next to him. The ride starts and Mickey's actually a bit nervous. He's heard stories of how unnerving it can be, the wood slats creaking and slapping, and it doesn't disappoint. When they go over the first big drop, Ian throws his hands up in the air and after a moment of hesitation, Mickey joins. He doesn't want to look like a bitch, although he'd much rather be clinging to the lap bar. Finally the ride ends and as they're leaving, they notice a booth inside that has pictures taken from that first drop. Ian locates their and starts laughing so hard he's holding his sides. Mickey sees it and is mortified. Ian has his hands thrown up, big smile across his face. Mickey's arms are half up and he has a weird expression on his face. "Jesus, I look fuckin' constipated!" This makes Ian laugh even harder and next thing he knows, he's pulling out his wallet again to buy the picture. "NO! Ian, c'mon, don't buy that stupid shit! We already got the nice pictures before! Please!" But Ian won't hear it, and pays the guy while the picture is printing. They leave and head back towards the boardwalk, Mickey grumbling to himself under his breath. Ian just ignores him, as he tends to do when Mickey gets like that. It'll pass, it always does.

They wind up back on the boardwalk and moving away from the crowd and back in the direction they came from. Ian takes Mickey's hand and says "Let's walk on the sand." Mickey obliges and they climb over the rail of the boardwalk. As they make their way, suddenly no on else is around. Ian says "Y'know, I've been to lakes before, but I've never seen the ocean in person." All of a sudden, he starts taking his clothes off. Mickey looks at him and asks "What the hell are you doing?" Ian smirks and says "I'm going for a swim. You coming?" Before he knows it, Mickey is stripping down too. They both wind up in their underwear, just looking at each other. Ian gives Mickey that cocky look that always turns him on. "Now or never." They yank their underwear off and toss them behind them as they run towards the ocean. Ian takes a few large steps in and dives forward under the waves. Mickey, less graceful, stumbles and falls in next to him. They come up for air, sputtering and laughing. Ian dunks both of his hands in the water and splashes at Mickey, managing to get him right in the face. "Gallagher! I'm going to get you for that!" He dives at Ian and manages to tackle him into a wave. They come back up for air and Ian is on Mickey, kissing him in the water. He tastes the salty ocean on Mickey's lips. He tangles his fingers in Mickey's wet hair. He can't help but think to himself that no matter what happens with this trip, and Mickey's mom, that it was worth it. It's nice to really have Mickey to himself for once. No Gallaghers, no Milkoviches, no Russian whores, no kids. Just the two of them. They haven't even been here an entire day yet, and Ian already wishes they could stay just like this all the time.

Eventually, the chilly fall air catches up to them and they get cold. They sneak out of the water and dart over to where they left their clothes. Unfortunately, they don't have any towels to dry off, so they have to put their clothes on while they're still wet. They leave off their shoes, however, and walk back up to the boardwalk to try to get the damp sand off their feet before they put them on. When they've gotten off as much as they're probably going to be able to, they put their shoes on and start walking back up to the street. Mickey had taken a bus map from the hotel and they locate and catch a bus back instead of walking the entire way. They get back to the hotel and Ian says "We should shower, get this sand and salt off of us." Mickey nods and they undress, heading into the bathroom together. Once the water is warm, they climb in together, helping wash the sand out of each others hair. Eventually they get out of the shower, dry off and climb into bed. Mickey hasn't mentioned anything about his mother since they left the restaurant, and Ian isn't going to force him to talk about it. He's content to just lie here with his boyfriend in his arms. He draws Mickey close to him, his bare chest pressed against Mickey's bare back, his one arm buried under the pillows while the other rubs Mickey's chest. He kisses gently behind Mickey's ear, his breath warm on Mickey's neck. 

Mickey burrows deeper under the blanket, leaning into Ian's touch. They stay that way for awhile, and Ian thinks that Mickey has fallen asleep when he speaks. "Maybe I shouldn't have stormed out of the restaurant today." Ian hugs him and replies "Mick, it's a lot to deal with. If you needed to put some distance between you two at that moment, that's okay. You can't just erase all the things that have happened over the years in one day. I'm sure your mom understands that." Mickey sighs. "How am I going to talk to her again, stalk her at the restaurant until she shows up?" Ian smiles, although Mickey can't see it. "Well, I thought once you calmed down you might feel that way. I got her number before I followed you out. So, when you're ready to, you can call her if you want." Mickey turns himself around to face Ian and kisses him deeply. "You know me better than I know myself, I think. Thank you." He touches his forehead to Ian's and the fall asleep tangled in each others arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you're enjoying it, and thanks for all the kudos and comments <3
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at [Grumbles and Mumbles](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com)


	11. I Just Want To Look At You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey recovers from his disastrous first reunion with his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since my last update! I got busy with life and then sidetracked with another fic I've been working on but I will try to be more diligent about updating this regularly like I was doing, I promise!

Ian wakes to Mickey's fingers running through his hair. He slowly opens his eyes and sees Mickey's, blue as the sky, staring deep into his own. Mickey whispers to him. "Hi." Ian draws Mickey into him. "Hi yourself." They kiss, slow and sensual. Mickey moves his hand from Ian's hair down to his back. He pulls Ian on top of him, between his legs. Ian can feel Mickey's hardness on his stomach. Mickey breaks the kiss, slides his hands up to the back of Ian's neck, fumbling. "Ian, I need you." He doesn't need an explanation, he knows Mickey well enough at this point. He reaches down to his bag, which he had left on the side of the bed, digging through the pockets until he finds the lube hidden away. He squirts some into his hand and reaches between them, slowly inserting one finger into Mickey. He warms Mickey up, eventually adding a second and then a third finger. When he thinks Mickey is ready, he says "Turn over." Mickey shakes his head. "I want to look at you."

Ian is surprised. Even after all this time, this is still something rare. They don't often do it this way. He nods and squirts more lube into his hand, working it up and down his shaft. When he's ready, he positions himself over Mickey, who moves his legs up onto Ian's hips. Ian presses against Mickey's entrance and gently pushes inside. Normally, they fuck. Ian knows this isn't fucking, it's something else entirely. He moves in and out with intent, patience, Mickey bucking his hips in time with Ian's slow thrusts. Mickey wraps his arms around Ian's waist, holding him as close as he can. Ian peppers Mickey with kisses on his forehead, cheeks, lips, even his eyelids. He moves his head, slowly kissing along Mickey's jawline to his neck. At one point, Mickey grabs Ian by the back of the neck with both hands, pulling his face down until their foreheads are pressed together. Ian thinks to himself that it's probably the most intimate moment they have ever shared. He gets lost in it, not wanting it to ever end, but soon they're both panting heavier, getting close. Mickey starts to moan as he slides his hand between them so he can stroke himself and push himself over the edge. He comes with a guttural moan deep from his throat, and the noise turns Ian on so much that he comes seconds later.

They lie spent on the hotel bed, until finally Ian wills himself to get up and throw on some clothes. He heads to the lobby to scrounge them up some food from the continental breakfast offerings that come with their hotel stay. Mickey gets up to shower when he notices a torn piece of paper on the dresser. He picks it up and sees that it says Alla and a phone number. He rubs his thumb across the number, as if to make sure it's real and he can't just erase it. He feels badly about how things ended with her the day before, but he had just been so overwhelmed. Before he knew what he was doing, he had made his way back to the bed and sat down, picking up the phone and dialing her number. After a few rings, a soft voice answered. "Zdrastuyte." He hesitates and is about to just hang up the phone when he makes himself speak. "Uh, Alla? M-Mom?" A pause, quiet. "Misha, is it you?" Tears prickle in his eyes hearing her call him Misha, how it reminds him of the good times. "Hi Mom." He hears quiet crying on the other end of the line. "Oh Misha, I am so glad you call me. I worry after you leave yesterday that I would not hear from you again." He nods to himself before remembering that she can't see that. "I didn't know whether I was going to talk to you again or not. But if I go home to Chicago and never came back, I don't want the last conversation we ever had to be our talk yesterday." Ian returns with a treasure trove of food and hears Mickey hanging up the phone as he enters. 

"I got a bunch of shit, whatever I could grab pretty much." He drops everything on the little table, boxes of cereal, styrofoam bowls and spoons spilling everywhere. He looks at Mickey quizzically. Even though Ian's pretty sure he knows the answer, he asks, "Who were you talking to?" Mickey gets up from the bed, reaching for one of the cereal boxes and a milk carton. "My mom. I called her. I don't want to end things off how it went down yesterday. I invited her here to talk. Figured if it gets heated or whatever, it's better not to be out in public." Ian nods, chewing on a bite from a banana he also snagged. "Do you want me to go out while you guys talk?" Mickey shakes his head. "Nah man, you don't even know New York, where would you go? And besides, I want you here." Ian smiles and reaches for Mickey's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I think it'll be good, Mick. Can I just give you one suggestion?" Mickey motions at him to continue. "You have every right to be angry, and you're more than entitled to your feelings. Just try to hear her out." Mickey agrees, and they eat the rest of their meal in silence.

After they're done, they hop in the shower and get dressed. Alla should be there in just a little while. They take a quick walk to a corner store for some beverages and snacks, just to have something available. They return and it's like torture just to wait. Mickey was glad right now that he had argued his way with Ian and gotten a smoking hotel room, because he's chain smoking like a fiend. He barely stubs one out before he's lighting another one. He paces back and forth around the small hotel room, his anxiety threatening to take over. Finally, a gentle knock comes at the door, Mickey goes over and puts his hand on the doorknob, hesitates. Eventually, he opens the door and there is his mother. He swings the door further open, motioning her to come inside. She looks like she wants to hug him, but she's unsure if that would be a welcome gesture. She settles for patting his arm briskly. He invites her to sit at the table and sits across from her. Ian sits on the bed, nearby but slightly removed from everything. He figures he'll stay but only participate if specifically directed in some way. Alla takes a pack of cigarettes out of her purse. "Do you mind?" Mickey smirks and says, "Don't worry about it, I've been smoking away all morning." He offers her an ashtray and she lights up.

No one speaks at first, not really knowing what to say to each other. Finally, Mickey breaks the silence. "I'm... sorry that I stormed out of the restaurant yesterday." Alla shakes her head and replies, "No, please don't say you are sorry. I understand. I am the one who is sorry, for everything that I have done to you. For leaving you all. What mother leaves her children? I have never forgiven myself. I know you may not believe this, but not a day has gone by that I did not think of you all, did not wonder if you were okay, how you all turned out." Mickey hangs his head and asks, "Why didn't you take us? Why didn't you at least check on us?" She sighs, the sound of the air heavy as it escapes her lungs. "I did try. I had called a few times hoping I would get one of you, but always Taras got the phone instead. He threatened me. He still has family here and I did not know what they would do, or if he would come back. One day I tried and the number was disconnected. I wanted then to come to Chicago, but I was scared. I don't like to say so, but I am weak. As time went on it just got harder to think of how to do anything, so I did nothing. I know that's not a good reason but it's the truth." Mickey lights a cigarette and Alla notices his tattoos. She takes his hands and looks at them, tracing them with her fingertip gently. She starts speaking again, but it seems more like she's talking to herself, like she's forgotten that Mickey and Ian are there, even though she's addressing them. "Taras is a terrible man. But I never imagined how bad he could really be. Half the time when he lashed out at you guys, it was because he was mad at me. And for a long time, he never went after you or Malenka. I thought maybe when I was gone it would help. How wrong I was. I never imagined it could get worse. I can't change my mistakes but I only hope that in time maybe you can forgive me. Will you tell me how the others are doing?" She looks at Mickey, waiting for him to speak.

He replies, "Well, I don't really know how Colin, Jamie or Joey are doing. They haven't lived in the house for a long time, and when I came out as gay, they pretty much wrote me off. They weren't violent about it like Terry, but it was pretty clear they didn't understand and had no desire to. I haven't talked to them since it happened. Iggy is fine, not the smartest guy I've ever met, but he has a heart as big as his damn head. He was supportive, what more can I ask for? Mandy is okay, sometimes I think she may secretly be the toughest out of all of us. She's got nerve like no other. Terry's back in jail, so we live in the house together. The three of us, Svetlana my whore wife, Yevgeny my son, and Ian. We've all been through a lot, but we manage. We make it work. We get the bills paid every month and we hang on." He motioned to Ian as he said his name. She looks at Ian and says, "You two must love each other to make it work with everything fighting against you." Mickey smiles at Ian and replies, "We do. He's the best thing that ever happened in my life." She smiles at Ian and says, "I'm happy you make my son happy. He deserves to be happy." Ian smiles. "Yes, he does. And he's good to me too. We've been through a lot to get where we are, but every day he surprises me in good ways, and it makes everything worth it." She nods at this. "It's important to be happy, and to find someone who is willing to be with you when things are hard. If you've got that, you can really have anything." The boys look at each other and smile. If she only knew how true her words were.

Mickey looks at his mother again and says, "I have to be honest. We didn't even tell anyone we were coming to try to find you. We didn't want anyone to be disappointed if it didn't go well. So, no one knows for now." She nods. "That makes sense. I understand." Mickey continues, "But we did bring some pictures for you so you could see how everyone looks now." He motions to Ian, who pulls an envelope out of Mickey's suitcase and passes it over. Mickey opens it and pulls out a bunch of photographs. She recognizes her kids and laughs and cries looking at the pictures Mickey and Ian had dug up to bring on the trip. She takes a little extra time looking over a picture of Mandy and Ian. "Oh Malenka, she looks like me." The boys nod their agreement. She gets to a photo of two people she doesn't know. Mickey tells her, "That's Svetlana and Yevgeny." The picture was taken at the christening by one of Svetlana's friends, before everything went downhill. Despite the circumstances of how he came to be, she marvels over her grandson. Alla speaks again and says, "I told your baba and papa that you came to New York and surprised me. They would love to see you. Would you go? They were hoping I would bring you over tonight for dinner." Mickey hesitates. He finally asks, "Would they... judge me?" Ian feels his heart hurt for Mickey, still ready to have people think the worst of him. Alla is confused. "What you mean? Why they would judge you?" Mickey speaks softly. "The tattoos... The gay thing." Alla waves her hand and it's such a Mickey move that Ian is startled for a moment. "No, they not going to care about this. Maybe tattoos but not that you are gay. I told them already, they didn't care." Mickey nods and says, "Okay." 

She stands up suddenly and goes to Mickey, pulling his head to her and pressing it against her stomach. He wraps his arms around her waist and thinks to himself _This is my mother, she's here and I can really touch her and talk to her_ and the thought is so overwhelming that he finds a few tears slipping out of his eyes. She runs her hands through his hair and he remembers how she used to do this when he was a kid. Whenever he was sick, she would make him soup and bundle him up on the couch to watch movies, laying his head in her lap and running her fingers through that dark hair of his. The memory is so strong, for a moment he feels like he's living inside it. Eventually, Alla pulls away so that they can get themselves together and head to the grandparents' house. Ian grabs the pictures and Alla says, "Can we bring them?" The boys nod and Ian sticks them in his bag. They leave the hotel and walk back to Brighton Beach. They get to the apartment building where his grandparents live and Mickey is in awe. "This is the same building isn't it? They've never moved?" Alla nods. "Yes, they've been in this apartment since we came over from Ukraine." She takes a key out of her purse and lets them in. They get on an elevator and go up a few floors. Alla knocks on the door before opening that with another key. 

Luba, Mickey's baba, shuffles quickly down the hall. He notices right away that she still likes to wear mismatched patterns, noting her polka dot shirt and plaid pants. "Misha! Misha!" She hurries over and wraps him in a hug, murmuring to herself in Ukrainian. Mickey's surprised to find out that he recognizes bits of it, although most of it is gibberish to him. She grabs his face and plants a firm kiss on his cheek. Boris, his papa, comes from behind her more slowly but very sturdy. Ian thinks that he's looking at a future Mickey. He's got a very serious face but he smiles and lights up much like Mickey does when he's really happy. He has the same blue eyes, the ones that weren't done any justice in the picture Ian found but were shining bright here in this dim apartment. She lets go of Mickey with a tear in her eye and notices Ian. "Such tall boy!" She motions to him and he steps to her, bending down to greet her. She's a tiny little thing. She also grabs his face and gives him a kiss, as if she's known him forever. Alla introduces him to her parents by their names and Luba says "No, no! You call me Baba! You call him Papa!" Meanwhile, Papa is hugging Mickey himself, stepping back and taking his grandson in. He offers Ian a hand and Ian shakes it. He may be old, but he's got a firm grip that lets you know he's still very much in charge.

They move into the living room and Baba sets about fussing over the boys. She keeps bringing out drinks and snacks until Alla finally settles her down. They all make small talk, Baba and Papa asking Mickey what seems to be a thousand questions about him, his siblings, their lives, their relationship. They never ask about Terry. Ian takes the pictures out of his bag and they're passed around. Mickey glosses over most of the negative stuff when he talks about everything. He doesn't feel there's a need to present that to them. Ian can see that Alla is grateful for that. Eventually, they move to the dining area, which is joined with the kitchen, and Baba starts serving them dinner. She has made her borscht. Mickey can't believe that she remembered it's his favorite. He gobbles it down hungrily, and it's even better than he remembered. Ian eats it just as eagerly, seeing why Mickey remembered it so well. It's damn good. There's many courses, and multiple dessert choices. They eat until they can't breathe. As it gets later, the boys make their move to head back to their hotel with promises that they will visit again before they head back to Chicago. They get back to the hotel and quickly fall asleep, content with having such a great day.

The rest of the week is spent doing a lot of sightseeing, Ian dragging Mickey to every tourist trap and attraction he can think of, and spending more time with Mickey's mother and grandparents. On their final day, they are getting their stuff together to head to the airport, waiting for Baba, Papa and Alla to pick them up since they insisted on driving them. At one point, Mickey sits down on the edge of the bed and Ian can see that he's lost in thought. He sits down next to Mickey and says, "Penny for your thoughts?" Mickey looks at him and replies, "I think... I think this has been the best week of my entire life. I don't even want to go home." Ian throws his arm over Mickey's shoulders, pulling him in and kissing the top of his head. "Me too, Mick. Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at [Grumbles and Mumbles](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com).


	12. Mom's Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey tells his siblings the truth about their mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I have not updated this in a long time!! I got sidetracked with life, other fics, and the next thing I knew it had fallen by the wayside. But I want to get back on track with it and here I am. I hope you like the continuation, and as always, please feel free to leave your thoughts or to find me on Tumblr!

The Gallaghers had tried to make dinner plans with Ian and Mickey upon their return to Chicago, but Ian had begged off. He knew there were more pressing matters to deal with in the Milkovich household. Namely, filling everyone in on the fact that their mother was alive and well in New York. While the news was Mickey's to share, Ian certainly wasn't going to let him do it by himself. Before they had boarded their plane home, Mickey had called Iggy and told him they needed to have a family meeting and that it couldn't wait. When Iggy offered to pick them up from the airport, Mickey had accepted. As they waited to board their plane, Mickey fidgeted nervously and silently cursed the fact that you couldn't smoke in airports. Normally he would eschew stupid fucking rules, but he wasn't trying to get kicked off their flight. He chewed at his lip until it was raw, and no matter how Ian tried to distract him, it didn't help. The only thing that finally overrode his nerves about the family meeting was when they were on the plane and his nerves about flying took their place. 

He was so relieved when they landed, that he almost forgot about what lied ahead. But when he and Ian emerged from the baggage claim into the pickup area and saw Iggy, it all came rushing back. Iggy got out of the driver's seat and helped them get their luggage in the trunk. He greeted Mickey with a clap on the back. "Hey bro, good trip?" Mickey grunted something at him as he pulled a cigarette out of his pack and lit it, taking a long drag off of it and blowing the smoke up in relief. Iggy gave him a look and said, "Right, good to see you too. Hey Ian." Ian gave him a nod and a smile, and that was enough. They all climbed back into the car, Mickey riding shotgun and Ian hopping in behind Iggy, and they were off. While Ian didn't feel the anxiety that Mickey did, he did feel a sense of dread the closer they got to the Southside. The reality was sinking in that their vacation was over. They were heading back to their real lives, their real problems, family obligations, drama, kids, whores. By the time they had reached the Milkovich house, they were both dragging their feet at their return. They wrestled their suitcases out of the trunk and just stood there side by side for a moment while Iggy went ahead and went in the house. Finally, Mickey heaved a sigh and said, "Might as well get this over with." He moved towards the house and Ian followed behind. 

When they walked in, all of the Milkovich siblings were crowded into the living room, minus one. Even Svetlana and Yev were there waiting. "Where's Jamie?" Mickey asks. "Jail. Got pinched on a parole violation over the weekend," Joey answers. He looks at Ian and snorts. "What's _he_ doing here? Thought this was a family meeting." Joey was big and hulking in a way that Mickey, Colin and Iggy were not. Mickey had taken to calling him and Jamie the Super Smash Brothers because of this. But he didn't give a shit about Joey's clear size advantage. He walked right up to him and said, "His name is _Ian_. And he's as much a part of my family as you, so he has every right to be here. You got a problem with that?" Joey rolls his eyes but doesn't say or do anything otherwise, to everyone's relief. After Ian has dragged his and Mickey's stuff into their bedroom and returned, Mickey finally gets the family meeting started. "So, I'm sure you're all wondering why the fuck I called you all here. I don't really know how to say this so I'm just going to come out with it. Ian and I didn't go to New York on vacation, we went to look for someone and we found them. It's Mom. Mom's alive."

The silence in the room was palpable. Ian couldn't help but think of the time when Debbie came home from the Jackson house and told them all that Monica was back. This felt very similar to that, uncomfortably similar. No one moved at first, they all just stared at Mickey, stared at each other. Finally, Mandy snapped. "You found out that Mom was alive and you DIDN'T EVEN TELL US?! And YOU," she points an accusing finger in Ian's direction, "YOU know about this and don't tell me? You're SUPPOSED to be my best friend!" Ian tries to go to her but she jumps up from her seat on the couch and pushes past him. " _Fuck_ you." She goes into her room and slams the door. Svetlana hands Yev to Ian and goes after Mandy. Still, none of the Milkovich brothers say a word. After a few minutes, Svetlana manages to return with Mandy. Mandy stands off in a corner, arms crossed defensively in front of her. "You better tell us everything right fucking now. And don't skimp on any details." So they do. Mickey and Ian tell everyone about how the whole thing started, with Ian just wanting to find out some information to give them all some closure, how they put two and two together. They tell them about visiting Brooklyn and seeing her, about their conversations, about Baba and Papa. When they're done, it's quiet for a moment until Colin finally asks, "Does Baba still make her borscht and is it still as good?" After another moment of silence, everyone starts laughing and the tension in the room is finally broken. Mickey says a silent thank you for Colin's good-natured goofiness and nods. "Yea man, it's damn good. If I could have brought a pot home I would have."

When the laughter and chatter subsides, Mickey speaks again. "I have one more surprise. Before we left, we downloaded Skype on Mom's laptop. She's home tonight if you guys want to do a video chat with her." They all look around at each other for a moment before heads all around the room start nodding. Ian grabs their laptop and gets everything set up for them and starts the video call. He steps aside while they all cry and talk and have their digital reunion. Ian had never imagined that he would see a houseful of crying Milkoviches, but he's learned over time that he should never really expect anything. Everyone gets a chance to talk to Alla. Even Svetlana gets an introduction and shows off Yev to his grandmother. Ian watches the screen and sees how happy she is to see them all, especially when she sees Mandy. Alla starts to cry a little harder and actually reaches to touch Mandy through the screen until she remembers she can't. The group stays on the video chat for a long time until finally they all remember various things they need to do and places they need to be. The conversation is ended with promises of visits and calls and more video chats. When they've wrapped up, Mandy approaches Ian and punches his arm. "I'm still mad at you, but I'm glad you set this off. We would have never known without you." She hugs him hard and presses her cheek against his chest. He squeezes her back until she lets him go and heads into her room. After the rest of the brothers leave, Ian and Mickey finally get a chance to relax. Ian decides to hop in the shower and lay down, and Mickey grabs a beer out of the fridge. He sinks down into the couch and a minute later, Svetlana joins him. "So, I guess this is who I was trying to find in New York?" Mickey nods. She smiles and says, "I'm glad she's alive and you found her." Mickey smiles thoughtfully and replies, "Yea, me too."

Later on, Mickey heads into his room where Ian is already in bed. He strips until he's down to his boxers and then he slides in between the sheets, pressing his back into Ian's chest. Ian instinctively throws an arm over Mickey's waist and pulls him in, burying his face in Mickey's hair and breathing deeply. They lie there for awhile, but Mickey is restless and can't sleep. He tries to be still but he keeps shifting around. Finally, Ian has enough of just trying to let Mickey settle down and asks, "What's wrong?" Mickey huffs and replies, "Can't sleep." Ian strokes his side and says, "No kidding. What's on your mind?" At first he doesn't get an answer, but eventually Mickey rolls over to face Ian, nuzzles his head under Ian's chin and starts talking. "I just keep thinking about New York. How good it was to be back there, how good it was to see my mom, how I didn't want to come home. What do we have here?" Ian replies, "Well, for one, we have our families." He feels rather than sees Mickey's shrug. "Yea, but I mean, what do we have here that's ours? That's just for us?" Ian doesn't know how to respond to that, so he stays silent. Eventually he feels Mickey relax in his arms and Ian is close to sleep, but then Mickey speaks softly. "Would you consider moving there?"

Well, Ian is certainly awake now. "Wait, what?" He pulls away and sits up. Mickey tries to pull him back down but Ian pushes at his hands. "Mick, are you serious? You want to move to New York? When did you think this up?" Mickey sighs and sits up too, looking at Ian's silhouette in the moonlight coming through the window. "It's been in the back of my mind since before we even left, to be honest. All we deal with here is stress and other peoples' bullshit. We're young, we should be allowed to actually enjoy something together instead of moving from one crisis to the next. It was nice to just be able to do shit with you, be able to go to Coney Island or hop on the subway and go to the city. Here, someone is always breathing down our necks. There are a lot of things neither of us signed up for going on here. Why should we have to drown in it all?" Ian gets defensive, which Mickey didn't expect. "Mick, even if we moved you'd still have to deal with me and my bipolar disorder. Like that never caused any stress or bullshit?" Mickey waves the idea off and says, "That's different. I choose you, so whatever happens with you, I'm in. I'm talking about other people. The Svetlanas. The siblings. The fucked up parents. We didn't choose any of that. I can take what you throw my way, and I want to. I just don't want to deal with the rest of it anymore. I'm exhausted, aren't you?"

And he is. Ian is just as exhausted as Mickey of the whole thing. He had delighted in having Mickey to himself, and hadn't wanted to leave either. But now that he's home and the presence of their obligations is around them, he feels guilty for having felt that way, and he feels as if he needs to play the devil's advocate in this conversation. "Mick, what about Svetlana? And Yev? What are they supposed to do?" Mickey pauses and says, "Well, I've actually been thinking about this. What if I just turn over the rub and tug to her permanently, let her have my share instead of paying her child support or whatever the fuck? She can stay here, I don't give a shit. I'm not trying to make her homeless, I'm not a total asshole." Ian almost doesn't want to admit that it's not a bad idea. He and Svetlana get along better than they had in the past, but he doesn't really think she cares about the fatherly figure for her son. As long as she has some form of stability, that's all she ever seems interested in. He wants to argue, but he's starting to feel an odd feeling creeping up on him, and he realizes it's excitement. "Mick, do you think that we could really do it?" That's the moment that Mickey knows Ian is on board. He nods vigorously and takes Ian's face in his hands. He kisses him hard and says, "Yes I do. I know we need to figure some stuff out first, like lining up jobs, a place to live, all of that... But I totally think we can do it. Fuck it, why shouldn't we?" Ian feels himself being overtaken by Mickey's excitement and he laughs and pulls Mickey towards him in a hug. They start laughing and wrestling on the bed before finally settling back down to get some sleep.

\-----------------------

A week goes by before Ian can't put off his family any longer and he and Mickey go over for a Gallagher dinner. He had been trying to avoid it since he didn't know how he was going to explain their decision to move to New York, but Fiona had called and practically threatened him until he finally agreed that they would come over that very night. After that conversation about moving, a lot had changed even in that short time. Ian was dreading having to talk to his family about it, but he knew it was necessary. He had been anxious all day and Mickey had definitely noticed. When Ian went to get in the shower, Mickey went with him. As Ian stood under the spray of the water, Mickey lathered a bar of soap between his hands and started washing Ian's back. "It's going to be fine," Mickey said. "I'll be there with you. We'll talk to them together and tell them everything. It's already in motion, so if they don't like it, that's a shame but done is done." Ian turned to face Mickey, who lathered the soap again and rubbed Ian's chest and stomach. Eventually, Ian returned the favor and then they got out of the shower to get dressed. Fiona was very clear that it wouldn't be in their best interest to be late, and considering they wanted her in the best mood possible, they didn't push it. 

They arrive at the Gallagher house with a case of beer as a peace offering. Fiona takes the beer to put in the fridge and says, "Fancy meeting you here. About time you showed up." Ian holds up his hands in a gesture of peace and replies, "I know, I know. I'm sorry. We've had a... busy week since we got back. Lot going on." Fiona looks at him and says, "Care to share?" He kisses her cheek and says, "When we're all seated. Easier than having to repeat the story over and over." Eventually Lip arrives and the younger kids make their way downstairs and they all settle around the table. Ian tells them all about discovering that Mickey's mother was alive, and the trip to New York. The younger siblings ask a ton of questions, but Lip and Fiona mostly just listen. Ian knows as the night goes on that he has to break the news to them about moving, but he has no idea how he's going to bring it up. He's bouncing his foot like crazy. Mickey feels it and casually slips his hand under the table and rests it on Ian's knee to steady him. The calming effect of that gesture does the trick, and finally Ian is ready to move forward with sharing their news. "Guys, we actually have to tell you something else. After we got back from our trip, we had a long conversation and we want to have a clean slate for us and our relationship. We've decided after some consideration that we are going to move to New York." 

Everyone falls silent, looking between Ian and Mickey, trying to determine if this is real or some sort of joke. Lip is the first one to speak. "You're kidding, right? You're not really going to move hundreds and hundreds of miles from your family and everything you know, right? You can't be serious." Ian takes a breath and replies, "Not kidding. We're aiming to leave at the end of the month." Fiona looks at him as if she's been slapped. "Ian, that's less than three weeks away. That's too soon! What about jobs, an apartment?" He says, "We are going to stay with Mickey's mother until we find an apartment. She's got a job lined up for Mickey, and she's asking around for me too." Lip chimes back in at this point, looking at Mickey saying, "What about your wife and kid?" Mickey knows that Lip is trying to get a reaction out of him and he refuses to give him the satisfaction. Instead, he looks at him and calmly replies, "Svetlana is taking over the rub and tug and it's profits. That should be enough to take care of both of them. And don't even ask me about my 'fatherhood,' I know you know what happened there." He can tell that he got ahead of where Lip was about to steer the conversation, and Lip can tell it's best to back off from taking the conversation down this route. He shakes his head and pushes his chair back from the table, but doesn't make any move to get up. 

Fiona reaches over and grabs Ian's hand, as if the physical contact will shake something out of him and change his mind. She wait until he looks at her and holds eye contact with him. "Ian, I know you don't want to hear this, but what about your bipolar disorder? What if you have another depressive episode? What if something happens to you? Your boyfriend can't legally do anything for you." Ian takes a deep breath, because he knows this is going to be the moment that really stings everyone. "No, my boyfriend couldn't... But my husband could. Which is why Mickey and I got married and filled out papers for him to be my health care proxy." Fiona pulls her hand back from Ian as if she's been burned. She starts in on him before she can even think about what she's saying. "Ian, are you for real? What were you thinking?! Are you insane?" At that last word, Ian recoiled as if he had been slapped. She realizes what she's done but it's too late. Ian is pushing back from the table and getting up, Mickey right behind him. She tries to talk to him but he's not having it. "Ian, wait! Please, that came out wrong." She puts a hand on his shoulder but he immediately shrugs her off. He and Mickey grab their coats and make a move for the front door. Mickey exits first, and Ian is about to follow, but first he has one last thing he wants to say. "You know, I don't expect you guys to understand any of this. Even though he's proved himself time and time again, you all just can't see it. And I accept that. But it would be nice if for once, you guys were just supportive. I'm not an invalid. Mickey's not just some thug Milkovich kid. What's done is done, we're married, and we're moving to New York. If it doesn't work out there, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." He shrugs the coat on and leaves, slamming the door behind him. The last thing he sees before the house is out of his sight is his younger siblings watching them through the living room window. He throws them a wave and sees Debbie raise her hand solemnly. He turns back to Mickey and says, "Let's get home."


	13. No Looking Back

There were some things about Ian that were just tried and true facts. At one point, Ian could do a hundred push ups at a time, run a six minute mile, and hit a freckle from two hundred yards with an M16. He was tall and strapping in a way that Lip and Carl would never be, as they had inherited Frank's slighter build. He was also the most stubborn Gallagher, hands down. It wasn't even a question. So there was really no surprise when Fiona and Lip spent the first three days after that awful dinner calling him almost constantly, and he never picked up. Not even to yell at them to stop calling. Eventually, he made it clear that he had no intention of picking up when the calls started going straight to voicemail without so much as the hope provided by ringing. He had turned his cell phone off. Instead, Fiona started texting Mickey to try to get him to run interference. He didn't want to get involved, but he also didn't want them to leave Chicago with bad blood, so he mentioned the text messages to Ian and got introduced to "The Chin." He had heard about The Chin from Lip, but it had never been directed at him. Mickey watched the way Ian had set his jaw, leaning his head forward in the most petulant and unrelenting way. Mickey decided quickly that this argument wasn't one he wanted any part of, especially considering it had nothing to do with him, and he dropped it. 

On the fourth day after the dinner from hell, Ian and Mickey were in their bedroom sorting through things and debating what to take, and what to have sent to them when they had settled into their own place. Mickey of course wanted to take just about everything, and Ian was having a hell of a time trying to sneak stuff out of Mickey's growing pile. They were just at the point where they were about to start bickering when there was a knock at the front door. When Mickey went to answer it, Ian pulled a bunch of his things out of the huge pile and buried them in the closet, hoping they would just get forgotten. Mickey reappeared and gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. "Your sister's here." Ian said, in a loud voice he knew would be overheard, "Well you can tell her I'm STILL NOT TALKING TO HER." Mickey rolled his eyes and replied, "Not her, tough guy. Debbie." At that, Ian felt bad and got up, moving into the living room where Debbie was standing awkwardly. "Sorry, thought you were Fiona," he says as he greets her with a hug. She just shrugs at that. "Everything okay, Debs?" She glares at him in that teenaged angst way that she has now and replies, "Just wanted to see my brother before he runs off again. That okay with you?" Even though she didn't touch him, Ian felt slapped by her words. "That's not fair," he says as he reaches towards her. He takes her by the shoulders and says, "This isn't like before. I'm not running away on an impulse. We just... we need a change, Debs. There's a lot of things about this place that are triggers for both of us. Mickey's family is actually from New York. They had a happy life there once. Maybe we can too. We deserve to at least try."

Debbie looks at him and he can see her eyes soften. She's never been very good at holding a grudge, and he knows that she's not actually mad at him anyway. Hurt maybe, but not mad. He pulls her forward and gives her a bear hug, pinning her arms to her sides as she struggles to break free. She finally manages to wriggle away from him and he notices that she's brought a suitcase with her, which is sitting by the door. "What's with the luggage, Debs? You looking to move to New York too?" She punches his arm and replies, "No you dork. I figured with you fighting with Fiona and Lip you wouldn't want to come over, so I packed up some of your stuff for you in case you want it. I only packed your warmer clothes, figured we could send you the rest or whatever when spring is closer." She goes over and grabs the handle, wheeling it back and presenting it to him. "Thanks," he says as he lifts it onto the kitchen table. He unzips it and finds some clothes he thought he'd misplaced and various personal effects. He doesn't do much more than glance at the stuff, figuring he can go through it more later. He asks, "Hey, since you did that for me, you want to go grab a bite of something? It's almost lunchtime... My treat." She nods and he signals for her to wait a minute. He goes into the bedroom to grab his wallet and tells Mickey, "I'm going to Tommy's to get some hot dogs with Debs for lunch. Want me to bring you back something?" Mickey nods and Ian kisses him goodbye.

Ian and Debbie set out, bundling up in their jackets. It had barely been fall when they left for New York, the weather still pleasant but in the past few days since they had been back the cold was starting to creep in. They walked briskly the few blocks until they got to their destination. Tommy's was a hole in the wall, but they had the best hot dogs in the area. They went in, ordered their food and Ian paid while Debbie grabbed a table for them. When their food came out, they spend the first couple of minutes in silence as they enjoyed it. Debbie watched her brother while he ate, just taking him in. She would probably never admit it to her other siblings, since you're not suppose to play favorites and all of that, but she always had a special affinity towards Ian. She always looked to Fiona and Lip for advice, as they were the closest de facto parent types she had, and she always had a certain relationship with Carl since he was closest to her age, but she always aligned herself with Ian in a lot of ways. Not just in their red hair and their freckles, not just in the fact that they were officially the two middle children, but also in the way they both had interests they pursued (he with ROTC, her with Debate and being Class President in the past), and were both more goal-oriented. Their older siblings ran between each situation and crisis, from one to the other and back again, never trying to plan long-term, never setting goals. She didn't know how they lived like that. Until he had taken off, she always thought Ian was the most reliable person she knew. She was going to miss having him there.

He finally realized that she was watching him and he stared back. They were both waiting for the other to speak, and finally Debbie cracked. "You know, you do have other siblings besides Fiona and Lip. Just because you're mad at them doesn't mean you have to take it out on the rest of us. We didn't do anything to you. Turning your phone off was stupid. I'm sure they're not the only two people in the world to ever call you. And the rest of us would like to spend time with you before you go." Ian looked at her sheepishly. He knew that everything she was saying was true. "I'm sorry Debs. When you're right, you're right. I know you're not happy I'm moving. Why don't Mickey and I take you, Carl and Liam somewhere next week before we go? Just us?" She smiles at this idea and agrees. Since they're about done, Ian orders Mickey's food and when it's ready, he grabs it and they leave. When they get to the break away point between their two houses, Ian hugs Debbie again and says, "Just because I'm moving doesn't mean we can't talk. You can call or text me anytime. And if I'm being a dick and ignoring Fiona and Lip, just call Mickey." She buries her face in his chest and nods, wishing for a moment that things were how they used to be, when they were all under one roof and the worrying factors in their lives were Frank and Monica, not each other. He strokes her hair and gives her a tight squeeze before letting her go. He watches for a minute as she walks away from him, noticing how she's almost as tall as Fiona now, which blows his mind.

Ian makes his way back to the house and finds that no one is there. He leaves Mickey's food on the table and goes into the bedroom. Someone, probably Mickey, had moved the suitcase in there and laid it on the bed. He opens it and starts sorting through the items, deciding what to take and what to leave. He's organizing the clothes into piles when he sees a notebook at the bottom, a rubber band around it to keep loose pages from disappearing. He removes the rubber band and opens it up. It takes him a minute to realize that this was the notebook he had taken to carrying around when he was manic, before he had been diagnosed. After he had stabilized, he must have forgotten about it. He sits down at the edge of the bed and scans the pages, curious to peek into what his mind was like during that time. It's not all clear to him now. As he flips through the papers, it makes him nervous. He hadn't realized how out of it he was, and seeing his writings is making him understand why people were so weird with him for awhile. He's so engrossed in it that he doesn't even hear Mickey return.

Mickey comes into the bedroom. He found his lunch and was finishing off a hot dog. He sees Ian and is about to start talking when he realizes that Ian is crying. He crouches down in front of Ian and holds Ian's face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe at the tears that are falling. "Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" Ian fans the notebook and says, "Mick, what if I lose it again? I didn't even understand what I was like. How did I not see it?" Mickey takes the book out of Ian's hands and puts it aside, moving his hand back to Ian's face. "That was different," Mickey says. "We didn't know what the problem was and now we do. You're not going to be like you were, and if things do change at some point, we'll deal with it as it comes." Ian drops his head down and their foreheads meet. "Mick, why would you want to deal with any of this? It's not your problem." Mickey gently presses his lips to Ian's in a soft kiss, sighing lightly against his mouth. He pulls back and says, "Don't you get it? That's not what it's about. I love you. What else would I do? You're not a burden, Ian. When you care about someone, you're there for them. That's it. We can't focus on before, we're past that now. Throw that book out or something." Ian hugs him and the two wind up lying on the bed together, lazing the day away for awhile. Eventually Ian looks at Mickey and says, "I want to burn it. The book. No use keeping that around." Mickey nods and gets out of bed, moving into the kitchen. Ian grabs the book and follows him. Mickey digs through some drawers until he comes up with some lighter fluid and matches. He offers them to Ian and says, "Where we doing this?" Ian motions questioningly towards the sink and Mickey nods. He drops the book in the sink, douses it with lighter fluid and strikes a match. He stares at the book for a moment before he drops the match, lighting the book ablaze. Mickey moves behind him and rubs his arms. He pulls Mickey's arms around him and says, "No looking back." Mickey squeezes him and presses his face to Ian's back, and they just stand that way for a long time.


	14. Adios, Au Revoir, Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Mickey leave for New York.

Ian and Mickey were packing up the last of their belongings into the U-Haul they had rented. They were planning to leave after dinner and make the trip overnight. Iggy had helped them with Mickey's bedroom furniture earlier, but now it was just the two of them. They had done all their goodbyes with the Milkoviches that morning, since none of them were available the rest of the day. Ian knew that Debbie, Carl and Liam would be coming later before they left. He still hadn't talked to Fiona or Lip, and they had finally given up with calling him. He felt a bit guilty, but he was still very angry with both of them. The two of them did plenty of stupid and crazy shit, but seemed oblivious to their own actions, choosing instead to focus on whatever so-called bad decisions they thought Ian was making, and quite frankly he was sick of it. He thought that putting some distance between them and himself would be for the best. He was looking forward to getting to explore New York some more, and to be able to get his own job. He had even taken his GED on the sly, telling no one except Mickey, to better his odds at finding something. Ian was ready for this next phase in their lives and their relationship.

Mickey lugged a box out and brought it into the truck. Ian read the label on the side and checked something off on a list he was holding. He looked at Mickey and asked, "Do we need to take inventory, make sure we're not missing anything? I doubt it considering you didn't seem to want to leave anything behind, but just saying." Mickey had taken off his shirt and was wiping sweat from his face and he threw the shirt at Ian's head. "Why should I leave my shit? It's my shit." Ian just shrugged and said, "Let's see how you feel when we can't even turn around because you've packed out the bedroom we're cramming into until we can afford a place." Mickey gave him the finger, but there was no malice in it. They went back inside to do a sweep and make sure that everything was moved out. Ian found the suitcase Debbie had brought his stuff over in and moved it to the living room to make sure he returned it. Mickey grabbed a few beers from the fridge and offered one to Ian, but he shook his head. Even though he was taking the second shift in driving, he got drunk way too easily with his meds and didn't want to risk having Mickey try to pull an all-nighter or having to stop to sleep. 

They ordered some pizza and flopped down on the couch, happy to be done with the brunt of the work. "Mick," Ian asked, "Are you sure you'll be okay to drive most of the night? We got up early, do you wanna nap for a bit or something?" Mickey rolled his eyes a little but finally nodded. It couldn't hurt after all. Ian put on the TV and started looking for something to watch. He saw that one of the Godfather movies was on and he left it. They weren't really his thing, but Mickey loved those gangster mob movies. Mickey reclined himself into Ian's side, head leaned on Ian's shoulder. As soon as he was comfortable, Ian could see his eyelids becoming heavier. He teased his fingers gently through Mickey's hair, trying to lull him to sleep and it seemed to be working. Since he was stuck with Mickey on him, he turned his attention to the movie. Al Pacino and two other guys were walking around and talking when suddenly they stumbled upon a woman and Al Pacino stopped in his tracks, he and the woman staring at each other. One of the other guys made a joke that he was hit with the thunderbolt and Mickey mumbled, "That's how it was with you, y'know." Ian glanced down at Mickey, who he had thought was asleep by now. Ian asked, "What do you mean?" Mickey shifted and burrowed himself more into Ian's side. "That time you burst in my room looking for that gun. I remember being on top of you and I don't even know what came over me. But I'm glad it did."

"Shit, Mick," Ian said. "That may just be the most romantic thing you've ever said to me." Mickey squirmed and replied, "Well don't get used to it or anything. Just because we're leaving Chicago doesn't mean I'm going to get all touchy feely and shit." Ian was going to pull Mickey in for a kiss when there was a knock on the door and then it opened, revealing the three youngest Gallaghers and the pizza. "Found the delivery guy outside," Debbie said in greeting. "We paid him already. Goodbye dinner on us, no arguments." She put the pizza on the coffee table and moved towards the kitchen, returning with some paper plates and napkins that she had dug up from somewhere. "Hope you don't mind but we brought something else with us too." At that, Fiona and Lip appeared through the door. "We come in peace," Fiona said. "You can't leave without a proper goodbye. And besides, we come with presents." She held her hand out to offer Ian the gift bag she was holding. He slowly reached out and took it from her, still wary having her and Lip there but not wanting to reignite the argument. Mickey sat up and Ian pulled the paper out of the bag, revealing two collage picture frames. The first one was all pictures of Ian and his siblings. He smiled over pictures of different birthdays and events, lingering for a moment over a picture of him feeding Liam when he was first born. The second collage was all pictures of Ian and Mickey, which looked an awful lot like the pictures they took of each other on their phones. "How did you guys get these?" Ian asked. Debbie smirked and said, "I have my ways." He figured she must have either gotten a hold of his phone at some point or enlisted Mandy's help. Either way, he loved the present. He stood up and gave each of his siblings a hug, including Fiona and Lip, who squeezed him particularly hard before letting him go. He gestured to the pizza and said, "We should eat! We're going to have to get on the road before too long." They all grabbed a slice and settled around the living room, chatting and eating. There was a clear effort to keep things light, and Ian appreciated it. He just wanted to leave things as peacefully as possible.

Eventually the sun started to get lower in the sky and Ian knew the time had come. "Guys, I hate to do this but we've got to get on the road. We've got a long night ahead of us." Slowly they all nodded and started gathering up the garbage to throw out. Ian pointed out the suitcase to Debbie who grabbed a hold of it to take home. Fiona said, "We'll wait outside to say goodbye," and rounded up the troops. Ian and Mickey were alone for one last time in the Milkovich house. Mickey felt himself get emotional, and he didn't really know why, but he suspected it was less of an emotional attachment and more of a closing of a chapter. He flicked his finger on his nose, his surefire trick for when he wanted to stifle tears, and took his key ring out of his pocket. "Guess I won't be needing these anymore." He placed the keys on the kitchen counter and took one last look around. "Let's go," he said to Ian. He moved for the front door but before he could exit, Ian turned him around and pulled him in for a hug. "Mick," Ian whispered in his ear, "I know this place has bad memories for you, but we have some good ones here too. Promise me that we'll try to only have good memories in New York." Mickey smoothed Ian's hair back and replied, "Can't guarantee anything, but I promise to fuckin' try." Ian smiled and nodded. "I'll take that." He moved to leave first and Mickey took one more second to look over the house before he followed Ian out, locking the door behind him. Mickey made his way down to where Ian was already being swallowed up by his siblings. He hung back until Liam broke from the group and hugged around his knees. He patted affectionately at the little boy's shoulder. Soon Debbie gave him a hug and he returned in kind. Mickey didn't really know how to say goodbye to the rest of them, so he just hung back a bit awkwardly. As they were about to get into the truck, Fiona said, "Wait, Mickey! I forgot, I have something for you too!" She reached into her coat pocket and retrieved a small wrapped rectangle. It felt like a small, flat box of some sort. He looked at her until she nodded her encouragement for him to open it. He tore off the paper and found one small picture frame with a familiar picture inside it. He asked, "Where did you find this?" Fiona replied, "It fell out of your pocket one of the times you crashed at our place and I was throwing in everyone's laundry." He looked at the picture, his secret picture, and smiled. "Thanks," he said softly. She gave him a quick hug before he could wave her off and he and Ian finally got into the truck. There were goodbyes shouted down the block and out the truck windows, the horn honking until all of the Gallaghers were out of sight.

Ian dozed off pretty quickly in the car and left Mickey to concentrate on the road. He drove mindlessly for awhile, just watching the other cars and the scenery. At some point, he noticed that Ian was still asleep but restless. He occasionally had very vivid dreams and that seemed to be a part of it. Mickey reached out and took his hand, holding it and gently stroking it with his thumb. This seemed to help quiet Ian down and he kept holding his hand as he drove until he stopped for his first break. When they were about halfway through the drive, Mickey stopped a second time and woke Ian up. "Hey Sleepyface, your turn to drive. We're at a rest stop if you want to get a snack or some coffee." Ian slowly roused himself and nodded. He made his way inside while Mickey waited for him. They got back on the road and other than a few more brief bathroom and gas breaks, they didn't stop anymore. A little before the morning rush hour, they found themselves in front of Alla's apartment building. She came down to greet them and stand guard over the truck while they hauled all of their things upstairs as quickly as possible. She had to go to work before too long and offered to drop the truck off for them so that they could get settled and get some better sleep, an offer which they gratefully accepted. When they had everything upstairs and she had left, they made quick work of getting the bed reassembled so they could actually sleep. Between the two of them, it took no time. They also went ahead and picked a wall for the dresser, as well as setting the night tables on either side of the bed, before flopping down. Mickey took the picture of Ian that Fiona had framed for him and put it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. They didn't even bother looking for bedding, though Mickey found a pillow to use. Ian slid up behind him and squeezed close so they could share it. As they were nearly drifting off, Mickey mumbled, "Welcome home." Ian held him tighter and they fell asleep just like that.


	15. New Life, New You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian has trouble adjusting to their new life in New York, and finds some unexpected help from Alla.

Ian and Mickey had been in New York for a little over a month. They had made it past Thanksgiving, which as usual Ian didn't celebrate, and Christmas was only a few weeks away. Mickey was adjusting to the change surprisingly well. Alla had gotten him a job as a waiter at another restaurant her boss owned, and it turned out that being rough around the edges was considered endearing here. He became popular pretty quickly and his boss, Igor, had been keen on giving him even more shifts. The money was good but it made it hard for Ian and Mickey to have much quality time together. Ian was struggling with the change. Alla hadn't been able to line anything up for him, and he had been applying for every job he found without any response. Besides not knowing what to do with all of the extra time, Ian also felt like a freeloader. So he tried to busy himself. He took advantage of living so close to the boardwalk and went for runs on the beach almost daily. He explored the neighborhood to find his way around, learned how to navigate the train into Manhattan, reminding himself that the locals just called it "the city," spent time with Alla learning how to cook Ukrainian food. He felt guilty about that, felt like he was doing something wrong being the one to bond with her even more than her own son. But Mickey didn't seem to resent it at all. Instead, he usually seemed to ease up when he found them together, in the kitchen stirring something in a pot or in the living room chatting. 

It might have helped Ian to feel more adjusted if they had bothered to settle in, but their room was packed with boxes upon boxes of their things. Since the hope was that they would find their own apartment sooner rather than later, they were both hesitant to unpack, as if finding a place for their things would somehow jinx it. Finally, although he didn't want to say it, Ian was lonely. He longed for Mickey's days off from work, where they could go and do things together, or just spend the day in bed. Mickey hadn't seemed to notice, or if he had he was ignoring it to see if it worked itself out. But Alla had noticed, and she made every effort to find things for Ian to do. She gave him suggestions when she knew of activities in the area, sent him on errands, pretended to need help with things that she could more than handle on her own. He knew what she was doing, but let it keep going. So it shouldn't have been a surprise to Ian when Alla was the one who gave him an idea to help break him out of his funk. She came home from work and found Ian in the kitchen, poring over a recipe book. Not Ukrainian this time, just something he had picked up on one of his trips into the city. Alla watched him for a moment while he measured out some ingredients and added them to a pot he had on the stove. He was so engrossed in what he was doing that he didn't even hear her come in. She asked, "What are you making?" Ian jumped and turned around to greet her. "Beef stew," he replied. "Wanted something hearty since it's getting cold out." She nodded at that and took a seat at the kitchen table, lighting a cigarette and pushing the window up for some fresh air. She watched him for another minute or two before she decided it was time to talk to him.

Alla reached out and grabbed Ian's wrist gently. "Come, sit," she said to him. "I want to talk to you." He joined her at the table and she gently took his hands in hers. "Ian, we need to find you something to do. You can't just stay here cooking all the time." He sighed and said, "I know, I've applied for any job opening I've heard about and so far nothing. I don't know what to do anymore." She patted his hand and said, "What about school?" Ian shook his head and replied, "I got my GED." She realizes that he's misunderstood and continues. "No, Ian. I mean college. There's a community college very close to here. You could actually walk there. You get your two year degree, figure out what you're interested in, take a lot of your basic classes. It's the next step." He hesitated, making a face at the idea. "Um, I dunno. I don't think college is my thing. That's more my older brother's deal." She swatted at him and said, "What, only one of you can go to college? That's stupid. College opens doors for you. So many people who don't go are limited because of it. Look at me. Look at my children. You got your GED, do something with it!" He paused, thinking over what she said, before something important occurred to him. "I can't afford college," Ian told her, adding, "And I'm not taking money that Mickey earns to pay for it. No way." Alla smiled and said, "I wouldn't think so. You apply for financial aid and student loans if you have to. If you get good enough grades, maybe even a scholarship. There are ways. Come on, grab your coat. We are going to go over there and find out what you would need to apply." She turned off the stove and pulled him out of the kitchen before he had a chance to think about it.

They walked over to the campus. She was right, it wasn't far at all. They were directed to the Admission's office, where he filled out the paperwork to submit his application for the following semester. Ian almost balked when he found out that he had to pay an application fee that he didn't have money for, but Alla pulled out her wallet, motioning him to stay quiet when he was about to argue. "Now I will not need to find a Christmas present for you." She paid the fee and they filed the application. Since the semester wasn't far off, they told him they would process it quickly. They moved on to the financial aid office and picked up applications for financial aid and student loans. He filled out everything and filed it with the office, just in case his application was approved so that they already had it. With nothing to do but wait to find out if he was accepted, they went back home. Ian didn't want to get his hopes up, but he felt optimistic. When they get home, Ian finds that Mickey has already arrived back and he catches him up on what happened that day. Mickey seemed impressed. "That's great," he told Ian. "I don't know why we didn't think of that before. I mean hell, one of us should go to college and we know it's not going to be me. I never even made it past freshman year of high school." Later, when they were in bed, Mickey brushed the hair out of Ian's eyes and said, "I'm really proud of you with this college thing, Ian. I hope you know that."

Right before Christmas, Ian received an envelope from the school in the mail. It was a pretty big envelope, which he hoped was a good sign, but he was too nervous to open it alone. He grabbed his phone and sent Mickey a text message. _Will you be home soon? I got mail from the school, want to wait and open it together._ It took a little while to get a response. Ian figured the restaurant must be busy. But soon enough, his phone did beep. _Few more hours but I'll try to sneak off a little early if I can._ Ian felt like he was climbing the walls waiting, so he threw on some sneakers and went for a jog. As his feet hit the floor, he tried to concentrate on keeping his rhythm and not thinking about that envelope he left on his bed. Eventually, Ian tired himself out and figured he should make his way back home. He laid down and dozed off. When Mickey got home, he found Ian curled on the bed, still fully dressed even down to his shoes. He slowly unlaced Ian's sneakers and pulled them off, then crouched down so he was at Ian's eye level. "Hey," he said as he gently nudged Ian's shoulder, "You awake? I'm home." He rubbed Ian's arm until he was roused from his sleep. 

"Hi," Ian croaked out, still half asleep. "When did you get here?" Mickey sat down on the bed and said, "Just now. Where's this envelope?" That woke Ian up and he sat up, reaching behind him and grabbing it. He offered it to Mickey and said, "You open it. I can't do it." Mickey took it from Ian's hand and asked, "Are you sure?" Ian nodded and Mickey tore at the flap. He pulled out a bunch of papers and booklets and scanned the top letter. "You got in. You got accepted for the spring semester!" Ian snatched the letter out of Mickey's hand and read it for himself. He looked up at Mickey and they were quiet for a moment before they started laughing. Mickey tackled Ian down on the bed and wrestled with him until it turned into a hug. He took Ian's face in his hands and kissed him. "We need to celebrate," he said. "I'm working early on Friday and off Saturday. Whatever you want to do, I'm yours." Ian's eyes lit up and he replied, "Really?" Mickey nodded. Even if they didn't have a reason to celebrate, he couldn't say no to Ian when it made him that happy. 

Later, they were in bed trying to sleep, Ian spooned behind Mickey as usual. Ian nuzzled his face behind Mickey's ear and said, "I know what I'd love to do Friday night." Mickey was quiet at first and Ian had to poke him to get a response. "Hmm?" Mickey grunted at him. Ian replied, "I want to rent a room at the hotel we stayed at when we first came here, call for some food delivery and stay in and celebrate. All night." Mickey murmured a noise of agreement and said, "Sounds great to me." Ian kissed Mickey's neck and they both burrowed deeper into the bed until soon there was no more noise except their breathing and snores.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments appreciated! Find me on Tumblr:
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